CREMATION OPTIONS

“I know the things I am supposed to do to take care of myself during grief,” said Susan Bryant and experienced hospice and healthcare chaplain in Atlanta who has accompanied many people on their journey through grief after a loved one’s death. But Susan’s knowledge about grief clashed with her experience as she faced the sudden and unexpected death of her mother.”I know I need to exercise, but I feel exhausted,” she said. “I know I need to eat nutritious food, but I have no appetite.I’m left with the need to be gently with myself and must develop a language of kindness for myself saying “It’s OK.I’ll take this journey in my own way and my own time.”Susan found that she could not push herself through grief as if paddling against the current but instead allowed herself to graciously accept the ebb and flow of her energy and emotions.You can give yourself the same gentle treatment as you work through your grief.

Working Your Way Through

We who are grieving can feel certain expectations to move through grief at a certain pace and in certain ways.Many of our friends and family will begin to act as if life should be “back to normal” within weeks or months following a death.They may say things like, “Come on pull yourself together,” or “everything’s going to be alright.”While your friends mean to be supportive don’t be harsh with yourself if you are not doing it their way.This grief is yours and you will experience it in your own way.Finding ways to gently care for yourself through the pain and loneliness that grief brings will be one of the most important parts of your healing.

Review Your Expectations

Beyond your close inner circle of friends and family others may not understand how much you are grieving.The pressures of productivity and accomplishment may cause you to feel the need to push yourself to meet deadlines at work or to keep up with all the activities of family and friends.You will gradually return to a normal routine and full energy but until then review your schedule periodically.Being gentle with yourself might mean temporarily reprioritizing your goals with your employer or talking with your family about cutting back on activities for a few months.Give yourself permission to reschedule an appointment or ask for an extension on a project so you do not overextend your mind or body.I personally believe we should have a kind of “serenity prayer” for those who grieve that encourages us both to engage grief and accept our limitations: “Gold grant me the strength to keep moving when I can the grace to sit down and rest when I can’t and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Quiet Any Inner Voices Of Judgment

Being gentle with yourself often means taming some of your inner voices especially if you set high expectations for yourself.You may hear yourself saying, I should be finished with all of the details of the estate or I ought to feel better by now.Seldom do I advocate talking to yourself but here I make an exception.Quiet these voices by saying to yourself, “take it easy; take your time; don’t be too hard on yourself, because you have been through a difficult time.”With grief there are no timekeepers and no final exams to make sure we get it right.Relax and breathe deeply.As Susan learned to do, develop a language of gentle kindness for yourself.

Look For The Small Things That Feel Good To You

At a time when you might wonder if you will ever feel good again it is important to seek out even small things that feel good to you.Think of these as ways to pamper yourself.Enjoy a hot soothing bath or sit quietly while you burn your favorite scented candle.Take an extra vacation day from work or read a novel.Sit and enjoy flowers in a garden, listen to your favorite music, or take a mountain walk.Find a space or activity that encourages you to feel a sense of calm even if only for a few minutes.You may find that activities that previously brought you much joy and satisfaction have only become painful reminders of your loved one.Be open to different kinds of moments that are just for you bringing even the tiniest bit of relief in otherwise stormy grief.

Remember To Care For Your Body

Grief is expressed physically as well as emotionally so it’s important to listen to what your body tells you.When fatigue sets in your body signaling you to take it easy.You might sleep longer on some days, go to bed earlier, or even nap during midday.These are temporary changes in your routine give your body the rest it needs and allows time for healing.Illness and infection are quite common during grief because your resistance is not quite the same as before.Take extra special care of yourself during these times, and If you live alone ask a friend to look in on you.Try to maintain good nutrition.While not pushing yourself too hard, look for opportunities when you have the stamina for exercise.Even a short walk can be a way to care for yourself.

Care For Your Soul

Seek the teachings from your faith that are gently with grief.Find comfort in the book of Psalms where writers poured out their deepest emotions and also found encouragement that god would hear them.Every faith includes teachings about bringing your cares before god.”Come to me all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens and I will give you rest,” from the Christian tradition lets us know we can sit at god’s feet and rest.When you feel angry with god let god know this part of your grief without judging whether your feelings are good or bad.Express all that you feel and then allow time during your prayers to seek god’s gentle comfort and healing.Your first inclination may be to pray, “God get me through this quickly; take this grief away from me,” in reality the only grief that passes quickly is one that responds to an insignificant loss.Instead ask the gentle, nurturing side of god to walk with you and grant you peace.Imagine the mothering arms of god rocking you gently in comfort.

Experience The Rhythm Of Nature

I believe in the gentle healing ability of simply being in nature.The movement of water through a stream reminds us of how life can ebb and flow.A sunset and sunrise reminds us of the greeting and the good-bye contained in each day and offers hope for another day to come-a day when grief will not be so overwhelming.A walk in the woods offers encounters with life at its most basic, as birds fly and trees sway in the wind and can instill in us the sense that we can survive the winter of grief.Nature can help us feel we are not alone and that there is more to life yet to be lived.Being in nature may remind you that you are created, offering you hope that god will create something new in your life even as you walk through grief.

Take Heart

Kind and tender are the words the dictionary uses to describe what it means to be gentle.Imagine a time when you felt kindness and tenderness toward the loved one you now grieve.Seek to offer that same kindness and tenderness to your body, mind and spirit and you will journey along the gentle path of healing.There is a traditional African proverb: “Gentle character it is which enables the rope of life to stay unbroken in one’s hand.”Your own gentleness toward your time of grief will keep you from feeling broken down by your pain and suffering.Being gentle with yourself while grieving tills the ground of your heart for seeds of hope that will one day break forth into new life.

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

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“One day you feel together and the next couldn’t be worse.It come and goes-the shock, denial, anger, guilt, depression, emptiness and aching arms.I crave privacy yet I can’t tolerate being alone.I often feel angry that society doesn’t seem to accept any grieving that takes more than six weeks…The pain subsides only to come flooding back again.At times I even relish it-after all it is part of my baby, Jasmine.”"Mary would have been our seventh child.She died in utero.I had to carry her within me for 10 days before labor could be induced and she was finally born-ever so still.I never knew pain could be so terrible, last so long, and yet not be physical.”These are the voices of parents of some of the many thousands of children who are stillborn, who die as newborns, or who succumb to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome each year.These tragic deaths leave parents with shattered dreams, empty arms, disbelief and deep pain.They are left with many difficult decisions and many unanswered questions.

Working Your Way Through

The death of an infant child is one of the most painful occurrences life can bring.If you or someone you love is experiencing this pain, please know that you are not alone in your grief.Those who contributed their personal stories and insights to this carenote have also experienced the death of a baby.They join their hearts with yours in your sorrow, and offer their strength and hope as well.

Accept Your Feelings—Whatever They Are

You may have feelings that seem ugly and shocking to you-rage, guilt, envy, self pity.These feelings are valid and need to be recognized.Do not judge yourself harshly because of them; having them does not mean you are emotionally unstable.Cry freely and don’t apologize for your tears;tears are healthy.If you have other children, be open with them about your feelings.Your children are grieving too and need to express their feelings.Because you may not be able right now to give your children the emotional support they need, you may want to ask a close family member or friend to help out.Anger is also a common and normal response yet it may be unacceptable to witness.Try to find healthy ways to express your anger-though talking or writing about it, or through physical activity.Your anger may be directed toward god.You may feel that your faith has weakened as you now question previously strong beliefs.Tell god how you feel.God will listen and walk with you through this darkness.Expressing your doubts and feelings puts you in dialogue with god and opens the channels through which god’s healing life can flow.

Give Voice To Your Feelings

The best way to help yourself through grief is to talk with others who understand and to let them know your need for support.You may have found that the responses of family and friends aren’t always in tune with your feelings.Friends and relatives often try to protect a grieving mother by not talking about the baby; and they frequently ignore a father’s grief.They may avoid you altogether for fear of upsetting you.Or they may say things that seem inappropriate or even cruel-that you should forget your baby, for example and “get on” with your life.Certainly you need to keep life going as best you can but it is impossible for you to forget your baby.Talk about your baby and your feelings.You and your spouse will have a lot to say to each other and to any good listeners.Don’t be surprised if your partner reacts and grieves differently.Even in the closet of relationships, every experience is unique to each person.Strive to be patient and gentle with each other.Guard against putting expectations on your partner and others.Sometimes it will be hard to be sensitive to each other’s feelings because you yourself are hurting so badly.Remember how very precious your relationship is and shelter that closeness.Help each other to express feelings by talking, crying, or being supportive in any other way you can.

Locate A Support Group In Your Area

Many bereaved parents feel most comfortable sharing their feelings within a support group, where there is a common bond, “we were hesitant to join a group,” said a member of one grieving couple, “but we would have done well to have come sooner.”A support group can be a place of comfort, strength and hope for you.It provides a safe environment for you to work through your feelings about your infant’s death.You will not be pressured to talk.Parents share when and what they can.

Be Gentle With Yourself

Grief affects your eating and sleeping habits, your energy level, and your ability to concentrate.A balanced diet, adequate fluids, moderate physical exercise, and sufficient rest are especially important during the mourning period.See your physician if you have disturbing physical symptoms.Avoid the use of alcohol as a means of coping.Alcohol and sedatives will cloud your thinking and slow down your bereavement process.Use prescribed medications sparingly and only under supervision. It’s best to delay major decisions-such as changing jobs, moving to a new home or planning another pregnancy-for at least one year.Grief takes a big enough toll on your system without any additional stresses, and it may also affect your judgment.

Say Good Bye In Your Own Way And Time

At some point down the line a ritual to commemorate your lost child-perhaps one held within your faith community or among close friends-may provide closure for you and accomplish some important purposes.It would recognize your baby’s uniqueness to god; recognize the life and death of your baby as a significant loss; bring together caring persons and give others the opportunity to express their support; and make the baby a reality for those who did not know him or her.You may also find comfort in keepsake remembrances as you work through your grief.Pictures, a lock of hair, crib cards, the baby’s blanket or clothes, the birth certificate and other remembrances give you something tangible to hold onto.Others may not understand this need for something that you can see, touch and hold.Do keep your baby’s clothes and other reminders until you are ready to decide what to do with them.

Take Heart

As you give yourself time to grieve, you will eventually find that the periods of sadness occur farther and farther apart, even though your baby will always have a special place in your heart and memory.There will be times such as holidays and birthdays when the sadness will seem as sharp as fresh grief, but there will also be times when your heart will feel free and strong.Don’t deny yourself the pleasures or happiness that may begin to reappear in your life.To laugh and be happy does not mean you have forgotten about your baby.As one bereaved parent wrote, “you need not fear this grief will always be as intense as it is now.You will survive and you will have other good things in your life.The memory of this time will become a part of your life with which you can live and cope.”And perhaps someday you will be able to give strength and support to other parents who are experiencing a loss similar to your own.

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

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The serenity prayer a simple prayer of uncertain origins has long been a source of strength and guidance for people from all walks of life, particularly those troubled by addiction.The prayer captures the delicate balance we all face as we engage life and its challenges while accepting our limitations: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Working Your Way Through

Following my father’s death these were days when it was hard to know whether I was feeling sorry for myself or plodding through the quicksand of grief as best I could.There were days I longed for someone to tell me how to get through the grief.But when someone would suggest it was time I “move along” I wondered why they didn’t understand that I just needed time to grieve.One of the most difficult aspects of my grief was finding the balance between pushing myself to go on with life’s activities and allowing myself to rest and postpone activities or decisions when needed.What I needed was a sort of Serenity Prayer for grievers.The prayer you find in large type in the center of this carenote is meant to be just that.It is offered with the hope that it can bring strength as you seek support from others and from god, while also paying attention to your own responsibility to be a part of your healing.It is really three prayers in one.Each one is a step in the process of healing from grief.

God Grant Me The Strength To Keep Moving When I Can

In so many aspects of your life following the death of a loved one, you will face the questions about moving through the journey of grief.When is it time to go back to work?When is it time to give away many of her belongings?When is it time to start socializing?When will I stop sleeping so much?When will I stop crying?You may wonder when you will feel the energy to cook again or exercise again or make new friends.In reality there are times when we should not push ourselves too hard and then times when we need to ourselves to take the steps that will lead to our healing.Your prayer to god for strength to keep moving signals your hope that you will find your way through your days of pain.One of the risks of grief is that your pain may feel so great you can’t bear to go out with friends or return to a normal work routine.Many fear that if they let go of the pain they will let go of their final link to their loved one.While in the midst of grieving your goal should always be movement toward new ways of living and feeling that once again make you happy.Asking god in your prayer to grant you strength to keep moving includes even the simple things-going to the grocery store, preparing a meal, or having the car repaired when it would be easier to rely on your neighbor.Early in grief to keep moving may be as basic as getting up in the morning rather than lying in bed in a mood of despair.Your prayer is a reminder of your own responsibility in your healing process to nurture and care for yourself, to seek courage to believe in yourself and to seek the strength to rise up and walk into life again.There is some wisdom in the old adage that god helps those who help themselves.Sometimes a lack of willingness to begin participating in life’s activities can result from a growing fear of establishing a new life or routine for yourself without your loved one.Try not to allow an ongoing sense that you are not finished grieving yet to shelter you from the change and challenges or from the possibilities, growth and new relationships that will bring you comfort and healing.Even while grieving ask god to help you ease back into life.”God grant me the strength to keep moving when I can, the grace to rest when I need to, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

God Grant Me The Grace To Rest When I Need To

The other risk during a time of grief is that we can so deeply want to move beyond the pain that we throw ourselves into constant activity saying yes to any invitation to go out, turning down any offers for help, working long hours, or pouring our energy into some harmful addiction-all in an attempt to either hide the pain or keep friends from worrying.In the midst of frantic business, grievers can lose the insight to know when their bodies and spirits are tired and need to rest.In this prayer your invitation for god to offer you grace is a reminder to yourself that you can take time and set your own pace for your grief.Grace for you is time to make decisions, time to cry and to remember and time to rest and allow your body and spirit to heal.Rest takes different forms for different people-from a walk in the park to an afternoon nap to a visit to the beach.Explore and learn what helps you feel rested.Grace is the gift of a restful reprieve where you can lower your expectations of yourself and simply wait.Wait for the darkest hour of the night to pass.Wait for a ray of light to break through-a new day for hope, healing and being able to once again get moving.

God Grant Me The Wisdom To Know The Difference

When delicate questions begin to arise about whether you might be pushing yourself too hard to move through your grief or not pushing yourself hard enough, the wisdom to know the difference is an important aspect of your healing.I believe finding the wisdom to balance out choices comes from listening-to our self, to trusted others, and to god.Trust your own wisdom to help you know how to pace yourself during grief.If you begin asking yourself, “am I trying to do too much quickly?”Then your own inner wisdom might be trying to find a voice.If you wonder, “have I been sleeping (or eating or drinking) too much for too long?Then once again your inner wisdom may be reaching out to help you.During grief wisdom also comes from others we trust, particularly ones who have grieved themselves.Seek out a friend or colleague who has walked the path of grief you now walk, and ask them to listen.If it feels difficult to ask a friend to do this call a bereavement counselor, chaplain or pastor in your area and ask them if they know someone who can be a supportive peer.In many communities there are peer support groups and a network of resources for persons who are grieving.Don’t try to do it alone.With a trusted friend who has grieved you can ask, “Do I need to sell the house this quickly?”With a peer who understands can hear them urge you to begin to move on when the time is right.Our own soul also has a way of confronting us either when we become too lethargic or when we drown ourselves in activity.Nurturing your faith and staying in touch with yourself and god through prayer is one way of allowing the voice of your soul to break through and bring you wisdom for your way to healing.The psalms of scripture offer many words written by those in the depths of grief.They cry out for the wisdom of god and then feeling alone no longer take one more step back into an active engaged life.

Take Heart

Reflecting on his own father’s death author Frederick Buechner writes in his book listening to your life, “I can speak with some assurance only of how god was present in that dark time for me in the sense that I was not destroyed by it but came out of it with scars that I hear to this day to be sure but also somehow the wiser and the stronger for it….I learned something about how even tragedy can be a means of grace that I might never have come to any other way.”Grief is a journey with many winding turns and detours.But it’s a journey of grace if we trust our inner wisdom, the wisdom of others and the courage that our faith can instill in us.

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

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You hovered over the crib to check the rise and fall of an infant’s chest. You held your breath when the bicycle first rounded the corner and disappeared.You fretted over violated curfews and the smell of cigarettes of alcohol.Finally you breathed a sigh of relief because the focus of all your worries had safely reached adulthood.And then the unthinkable happened. An accident, an act of violence, a terrible illness struck and the person you nurtured through the perils of childhood is dead.

Working Your Way Through

“Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”So wept King David of Israel when news of his adult son’s death reached him (2 Samuel 18:33).So have grieving parents wept through the ages.You are not supposed to outlive your child.At the root of the overwhelming pain you feel lies the conviction that you, not your child, should have died first.

Expect Slow-Very Slow-Healing

Grown up kids are a special delight.Overnight defiant teens turn into likable adults.Many of them leave home, get jobs, go away to school, start families of their own.The hurts you may have inflicted on one another during the growing up years often begin to yield to new appreciations.You can enjoy the opportunity to come together in a new way in an adult relationship-in short to become friends.Death shatters that unfolding relationship.This time your son or daughter is really gone.And so is what was supposed to live on after your death; the heritage you passed on, the mannerisms and the values your offspring picked up from you.Not even death can change the fact that your child whether born of you own flesh or made yours through adoption an nurture, is past of you.You invested much of your treasure-financial, emotional, spiritual -in this person, and you cannot recover from such a loss overnight.Recovery will take years-and in a sense you will never fully recover.One woman whose daughter died seven years ago puts it this way:”My nephew lost a leg 20 years ago.At 43 he lives a full and active life without it, even though he limps a bit when he is tired, even though he still feels pain.Losing my daughter has been like that for me.At first I couldn’t bear to put my feet on the floor in the morning.It still hurts.Sometimes the pain is sharp; sometimes I limp quite badly.But I go on.Sometimes I even run or dance.”

Find Support Wherever You Can

“No one knows how I feel” is the common complaint of grieving parents.And it’s true: no one does.Neither did you until the day death took your son or daughter.Such a loss is beyond the reach of a parent’s imagination.We can go so far, and then our minds shut down in the face of the unthinkable.Some of your friends-the same people whose presence was such a comfort at the funeral-may well begin to avoid you as though you carried the plague.They may grow uncomfortable if you mention your child’s name.They don’t always understand your need to keep the memories alive.Some will be so afraid of making you cry that they won’t let you cry.Neither can you necessarily count on your family-not even your spouse, if you are married.However tightly you may have clung to one another at the time of death, each of you mourns a different person.Your son’s relationship with his mom was not the same as with his dad.Your daughter was dear to her siblings in varying degrees and for various reasons.Each of you will handle your sorrow in a uniquely personal way.One of you may need to talk, the other to be alone; one to cry, the other to rage.Some people find great comfort in their religious traditions; others can only shake a fist at god.Your spouse may crash on the day you feel up to an outing.Old sibling rivalries may surface among remaining children, if there are any as they begin to wonder if you care whether they’re still around.And no one knows what to do with an approaching holiday.Support groups for grieving parents can offer comfort.Your church community may be able to like you with someone else who has been through a similar loss. Most grief therapists will adjust their fees to meet your budget, although finding one with whom you are truly comfortable may take some shopping around.Finding support requires a lot of effort at a time when putting your shoes on in the morning seems effort enough for one day.But in the long run it is well worth the work.The support can be a lifeline.

Claim Your Heritage

From the moment you began to anticipate your child’s arrival, you dreamed of all you would share with him or her.Now it is your turn to be on the receiving end.Your son or daughter has left a heritage for you-everything his or her life meant.The people your daughter or son may have added to your life, such as friends, a spouse, or children, are a very important bequest.You will want to keep as close as possible to those who possess this bank of shared memories.To lose a relationship with your child’s closet friend or life partner would only double your tragedy.Nurture the ties with care.At the same time allow your child’s loved ones the freedom to get on with life in their own way-even when that is hard for you to do.When Dottie attended her daughter-in-law’s second wedding she wept throughout the ceremony.”It was the hardest thing I’ve done since we buried our son,” she admits.”But it would be harder to lose her, too.”The new husband eyed her warily at first, but now Dottie is an extra grandma to the couple’s toddler.If your child had children these grandchildren are a precious legacy as well.Not only do you need them to keep your place in the chain of generations, they also need you to keep them in touch with their roots.No one else can tell them about dad’s childhood interests or when mom’s sense of humor first emerged.No one else remembers their ancestors or what life was like in the “olden days.”Find a way to touch others’ lives with the legacy of love your daughter or son left you.Some parents adopt their child’s interests.Harold and June began a scholarship fund for gifted music students at their son’s high school with memorial gifts.Cathy coordinates the schedule of volunteer reading tutors in the school where her daughter taught.Sam devotes his spare time to training young volunteers at the local science museum, his son’s favorite haunt.Death as well as life can give you new direction.When someone asked Mario to collect donations for the American Cancer Society in his neighborhood his first response was bitter.Why should he help someone else live when the disease killed his daughter?But he’s now an area coordinator Latoya is active in MADD (mothers against drunk driving) founded by a woman whose daughter, like Latoya’s was killed by a drunk driver.Susan whose won was shot in a holdup, works for handgun control.

Take Heart

You buried a part of yourself with your daughter or son, and the loss will ache for a very long time.Nonetheless your adult child will always be a part of you, living in your memories and in your heart.Better than any of the people who offer you the cliché,’ you know that the value of a life cannot be measured in years.

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

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Cremation Options memory writes on every page of the calendar—here a birthday, there a holiday, further on a wedding date.In the wake of death, those precious days bear a bitter sweet tinge, a pang that the celebrations they mark will never be repeated with someone you have loved.Most of those dates are warned by tender recollections; some are written darker than the rest.Whether this is your first turn around the calendar—or one of many—since your loss, these dates loom dark on the horizon.Tears that you thought were behind you swell again, and with them comes a terrible loneliness.

Working Your Way Through

These days will not be wished away, even if you pull the covers over your head and wait for the sun to set.And perhaps nothing you can do will make them easy.But you can meet these milestones head-on and make them into a bridge stretching toward a brighter tomorrow.Begin by planning a departure from your usual activities.Take the dreaded day off work, if you can.No use pretending that this day is like any other; it isn’t.Don’t let anyone—yourself included—accuse you of “wallowing” in grief.Taking time to lean into your sorrow is facing reality.

Reach Out

Choose your company for the day.Don’t wait for someone to remember.Your grief easily slips out of mind—even within the closet circle of family and friends.Start dropping reminders when the day’s approach first begins to haunt you.Don’t assume that the best company is those with whom you have always spent that day.You might be more comfortable with someone who has been in your shoes.Don’t hesitate to present your need and ask for companionship.Claim the offers of “anything I can do” which were so generously made when your loss occurred.Be specific: say that you want someone to drive you the cemetery, that you want company for shopping or lunch, that you want a shoulder you can cry on, or even that you want someone to help you think of some way to mark the day.Don’t forget to tap the support of your faith-community.In the Jewish tradition, bereaved families light a 24 hour candle on the anniversary of a death and recite prayers of remembrance at the synagogue service.Roman Catholics mark special days with a Mass.  Both practices reflect a centuries-old wisdom, rallying the support of the believing community.Whatever your faith-tradition, ask for prayers.One family asked an understanding minister to lead them in a prayer of healing for both living and dead a year after a member committed suicide.(The next year they planned a lakeside weekend together and surprised themselves by having a good time.)Others simply ask to be remembered in the Sunday worship service.To pray for someone is to stand with that person in god’s presence, and is therefore a powerful way of being with another—even with someone who has passed through death’s door.

Look Back

Claim your memories, those bits of history which have made you who you are.Someone once observed that “memory is the power to gather roses in winter.”Clip your bouquet.Get out the scrapbook and the love letters; line up the gifts and souvenirs you cherish.Call to mind all the joys and struggles which shaped this interrupted relationship.“The holiest of all holidays are those kept by ourselves in silence and apart; the secret anniversaries of the heart.”Write a new obituary one which contains all the personal details you wouldn’t have entrusted to the newspaper even had there been room.Include a physical description: the color of eyes and hair, the way her nose crinkled when she laughed, the shape of this hands.Add the qualities which were important to you, the way your relationship began and developed.Admit your regrets.If you are haunted by a bit of unfinished business—an unresolved quarrel cut short by death, words of love and appreciation left unspoken—say what you need to say to some formal way by writing a letter or by expressing your feelings to a valued friend.Mourn the dead dreams: the hope of seeing a child grown, celebrating a milestone anniversary, enjoying a peaceful retirement together.Claim your grief.Give yourself permission to cry as much as you need to.Relive once more the illness or accident which precipitated your loss.(“Listen to the story once more” may well be what you need to ask of your chosen companions.)Recapture the feelings which swept over you at the time of death.Recall too the signs of care which surrounded you in those difficult first days.Reread the cards and notes, the visitors book.Feel again the warm hugs the gently pressure of others’ hands in yours, the sight of friends gathered to grieve and to pray with you.Survey your journey through the calendar so far, with all its ups and downs.Take stock of how far you have come, of the unexpected strengths you have found within yourself.Harriet Sarnoff Schiff author of the Bereaved Parent, assures her readers over and over again that they have already done the most difficult thing imaginable; survived their child’s funeral.Congratulate yourself for coming as far as you have, for getting out of bed on the days when that seemed impossible, for learning to manage the everyday stuff of life without someone who once was part of life’s daily structure.

Look Forward

Close at least one small door on the past.Make a conscious act of forgiveness to someone: the love who abandoned you, the killer, the doctor who didn’t diagnose soon enough.Clean a closet even if all you can do is rearrange it.Create a new holiday ritual.Go out for Thanksgiving dinner instead of fixing the turkey yourself.Replace the big tree with a small one trimmed with bows instead of getting out the ornaments.Mark a birthday by giving just one thing which belonged to the person you mourn to someone who will cherish it.Celebrate today’s joys.Count the blessings you have, especially the people who grace your life with love.Ask yourself which of those relationships need attention, to whom you need to express your affection while there is still time.Mark your calendar to make a friendly phone call or extend an invitation.Plan just one thing for the future.Think big if you can: a change of job, a special vacation trip, redecorating the house.Or think small.Promise yourself lunch with a friend next week; get a book you have wanted to read from the library, rearrange the living room furniture.Dream of being whole and happy.Imagine yourself facing life with confidence.

Take Heart

However unimaginable such wholeness may seem it is the end toward which grief’s journey leads.Time they say heals all wounds.There is some truth in that, leave a broken bone alone and it will mend.But only a fool hopes that time alone will make an unset bone straight and strong.In the same way time alone heals grief without bringing wholeness. The turns through the calendar mark the passage of time: one year, two years, 10.But time works its magic only when it is used well.Writing of her own sorrow a the kidnapping and murder of her firstborn in the introduction to Hour of Gold, Hour of Lead,Anne Morrow Lindbergh speaks of the need to make room for pain.“The inexorably difficult thing in life, and particularly in suffering is to face the truth.”On the days special in your memory, face the truth of your sorrow and the truth of the healing which has already begun.And believe the promise Jesus of Nazareth spoke: “Blessed are you who are now weeping, for you will laugh.”

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

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“My grandmother wanted to see and talk to people; those whom she couldn’t see, she wanted to talk to on the phone,” says Bill Reynolds.Just days before she died, she told him, “I said hello to you when you came into this world and now I want to say good-bye.”His grandmother knew she was dying and her last days were filled with seeing the people who were important to her, thinking back on her life, saying the things she wanted to say, and imagining the place she called heaven that lay ahead.

Working Your Way Through

Reynolds a healthcare chaplain recently encountered two very significant deaths-his grandmother’s and a friend’s—which intensified his understanding of the needs of the dying.”Though there are exceptions,” he says “generally people want to talk about their death and prepare for that time.A dying person wants to be told the truth and wants honesty about what they can expect.”Being with someone who is dying involves a delicate balance of honoring their grief and wishes while understanding and honoring your own needs and grief.Here are a few guidelines you and your loved one may find helpful.

Dying Persons Want To Feel A Sense Of Integrity And Completeness

In my conversations with dying persons as a chaplain, I find that people often know intuitively that their death is near.Even in instances when family members try to protect them from this knowledge, the dying person will look their physician in the eye and say, “I’m going to die, aren’t i?”Too often death is not talked about and not lived into because both the caregiver and the one dying may fear hurting the other.Having an openness to talk about death allows the dying to approach their death with integrity and bring about whatever closure they need.In their last days people need time to engage in self-searching and reflection about their life and relationships.People reminisce because they want to know how they will be remembered.The dying want to know they will be remembered and that their lives made a difference.This searching is often accompanied by moments of confession and reconciliation-with friends, with family members and with god.While a dying 15 year old may wonder if he was too selfish, an older adult may wonder if her life work was meaningful.Meeting your loved one’s questions with acceptance and grace will help them find the sense of peace and forgiveness they need.

Dying Persons Want To Make Choices

“People often die like they live, says Reynolds and it’s important not to expect them to be different than they are.”A quiet person may prefer a darkened room with their favorite music playing softly, with only their closet loved ones present.Some will die in the middle of the night with no one present.Others want to be surrounded by a circle of family and friends and find great joy in hearing their laughter and jokes and the singing of favorite hymns or songs.In their dying, people value things and experiences which have been meaningful to them in their life.One who values spontaneity will surprise you with their last wishes.One who values control will pay great attention to organization of details, down to how they should be dressed for the viewing of the body.The dying need these final expressions of their individuality.Honoring their wishes can be a meaningful part of your journey together through grief and loss.

Dying Persons Want Companionship

“For family and friends often the most difficult part of being with a person who is dying is being truly present-not just being in the room together, but being truly present,” says Rev. George Handzo, president of the Association of Professional Chaplains.Being truly present means talking, asking questions, sharing feelings, laughing, crying, loving-the same things that make our relationships meaningful as we live.Touch is an important way of letting someone know you are close, and the dying often want children and pets to be included.While 8 year old Anna sat by her great-grandmother’s bed and sang songs to her and softly rubbed her head, the love of her family filled the room.Inviting your loved one to talk about their dying helps you better understand their needs and hopes and helps them feel cared for.Don’t be afraid to ask-do you want to be alone; or do you want people to be with you?Is there something you want to do today?Who do you want to talk to today?What do you want us to do with your favorite things?What do you hope will happen before you die?No doubt talking about dying will bring about sadness and grief as your loved one imagines missing all they love about this life.But these moments will ease their passage and create memories you will always cherish for having shared such intimate moments.The time we spend with one making the passage between this life and the next promotes healing, instills us with strength, and deepens our relationships.The one dying needs this chance to deepen their love and to face the rest of their life with courage and peace.

Dying Persons Want To Avoid Excessive

Perhaps the greatest fear about dying is that it will be extremely painful.For persons to die with dignity, they want to die without that kind of pain.Medicines today make it possible for many people to die with a minimum of physical discomfort.As caregivers there is probably no more important wish for us to honor.Although there are safety concerns, and a medical specialist should be consulted, caregivers sometimes withhold medicines out of their own needs, not wanting a loved one to be incoherent or to sleep all day.Or they fear that offering additional medicines will kill the person.Remember that properly administered medication eases the passage into death that is already brought about by disease; it does not cause death.The appropriate use of pain medicines allows your loved one to gradually enter the world of sleep, and then death and grants your loved one the respect of a dignified death.

Dying Persons Need Permission To Leave

The passage into death is made easier when those around the dying give their permission.A 17 year old might want to know if her parents are going to be ok and a middle aged man will want to know that his wife will get support to manage the children and household.They are asking “are you going to be ok if I go?”Giving permission helps the dying person know that you will find a way through the journey of living apart from them.When they know this, they can complete their own good-byes.Find comfort in the teachings of your faith that while your loved one is dying physically their spirit will live on in ways that we cannot yet fully understand.Eventually the dying want to cross the threshold to the other side, and they begin to see and talk to people who are not present in the room.As Bill sat with his grandmother during her final days, he said to her, “You seem to be working really hard,” as she spoke to people from her past.She replied that it was the hardest work she had ever done.”It was like hearing an eyewitness account of someone looking directly into the window of death,” says Bill.When she said she was a light he said simply “it’s ok that’s the way home.

Take Heart

Not everyone has time to prepare for their death.But when there is time, and with your help your loved one can prepare with heart, mind and soul for their death.Then when death comes there is likely to be a greater assurance that what lies beyond is peaceful and restful.May you be open to the possibility of journeying alongside them so they have what they truly want and need to make the great passage.

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

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A year ago a friend of mine underwent a crisis on turning 40.His depression lasted half the year until he realized he was in fact only 39!The gloom lifted.And when the real 40 came around he had no trouble dealing with it—true story.We spend a lot of time trying to control time—think of clocks and calendars.But time is relative and as with my friend’s birthday, each new day and every milestone depends on the significance we attach to it.Our spirits need special days, times when we can celebrate and rejoice, honor ourselves or others, ponder or proclaim—from Independence Day to a grandparent’s birthday.Life would be dull indeed if there were no such occasions to mark the ebb and flow of the years.But because human nature is a mixed blessing, life’s milestones are often bittersweet and sometimes they fall on us like a ton of bricks.

Working Your Way Through

We move forward in our lives after a loss, but then run into reminders of absent loved ones at special life milestones.These times bring enjoyment of the milestone but also grief because a loved one is not there to be part of it.They are opportunities for grievers to cherish the past, live in the present and look to the future.Thanksgiving for example is a wonderful feast, a beacon up ahead rewarding us each year.Yet too often it can become a time of tension, regrets, and raw memories.For those who grieve (and sooner or later that’s all of us) milestones such as Thanksgiving can become occasions of pain.What follows is a search for silver linings a map toward higher ground, a few signposts pointing to happier options.

Consider Your Average Life

Things start out great.Sure you’re hungry right away and you yowl a bit.Soon you’ll have to be introduced to diapers for the first time.But you can handle all this because you’re young.Your problems to date are not worth mentioning and sorrow doesn’t mean a thing to you.Father Time is still so far down the road; failing exams or getting divorced or losing a loved one are not yet part of the picture.We take a step at a time fall and get up.Because experiences come at us gradually we take them in stride—until one day when one of life’s harder knocks hits us.We discover grief.But since life still has a lot to recommend it we begin the process of coping.

Milestones Can Be Bittersweet

As life gathers speed it collects all sorts of grief.One silver lining is that we don’t need to suffer grief until it comes.We don’t know what tribulations will afflict us or when, but there is no need to go looking for them.Unpleasant surprises show up—death, illness, loss of a job, the end of a loving relationship or a friendship.The illness or death of friends or relatives can sadden or devastate us.Hardships, failures, losses crowd in.Yet we have learned that these blows are part of the human condition.So we allow grief its place and carry on.Then along comes a milestone, a wedding for example.It is a joyous occasion for nearly everyone, but for a few it’s traumatic.Perhaps the mother of the bride recently died, or some other relative.A recent accident may have rendered a member of the wedding party disabled.A family member celebrates too much and ends up embarrassing themselves and others.“The grief triggered by our milestones: we often can see it coming, fortify ourselves, and take steps to deal with it.”Most of those gathered celebrate with the happy couple, but one lonely heart confronts again the fact he or she does not have the mate they yearn for.Another couple is involved a messy divorce at that very time.We see that the little world of any wedding can be a mixed bag of emotions, and the same is true of almost every human milestone.

Watch For The Particularly Painful Milestones

Holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas can be particularly painful.Perhaps this year there is one less setting at the table.Or clouds of grief hang over the starry Christmas tree.A gift lingers for someone who didn’t show up.As for birthdays and anniversaries, when loss is fresh they are “approached with dread,” writes Jim O’Shea in when a child die,” and their passing greeted with relief.”But lest guilt be added to all the other pain, the same author adds: “Grief is a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.”

Grief Comes With The Territory

While writing this I visited a friend whose husband had just died.They had been separated for 40 years.She had long ago come to terms with the separation and had a fruitful and happy life.But the milestone of his passing brought everything back.“Grief never mended no broken bones,” a Charles Dickens character says.The sensible thing then might be to throw grief overboard.But we can’t—it is hardwired into the human condition.Knowing this we can at least take steps to prepare ourselves as milestones and significant days approach.

Remedies May Be Diverse As The Milestones

If a parent is gone, another family member will not fill the void but might supply moral support or a touch of lightness and joy.If it’s an occasion that brings people together tell stories about the one who could not make it, preferably humorous stories.If one can’t share retirement with one’s boyfriend after a lifetime of looking forward to it, one should presume permission to go on leading a full and fruitful life—it’s what nearly all departed souls would wish for loved ones left behind.Losses that happen “out of season,” such as losing your parent when you’re young, or a child’s death, can be particularly painful when one ponders the milestones ahead that won’t be shared .But milestone moments happen at all stages of life, and loss is never easy, no matter how long and how well a life was lived.We still and always will miss those who are no longer with us in the flesh, but we can take some comfort by keeping them present in our hearts.

Life Is More Than Its Milestones

Grief isn’t something invented to torture us.It has a purpose, however dimly we might see it now.For one thing, it provides a counterbalance for the human condition, lest we get carried away by our own importance.Grief has no favorites, it makes the whole world one.Only in a more enlightened afterlife will pain and sorrow finally make sense a hope and conviction that can bring us solace.There is grief in between special occasions as well as on the special occasions.The grief triggered by our milestones, though gives us a slight advantage: we often can see it coming, fortify ourselves, and take steps to deal with it.We even can turn it into triumph.The poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow expressed that very well in Hyperion: for grief is opportunity/no less than love itself/ though in another dress/ and as the golden sunlight fades away/the sky is filled with stars/invisible by day.

Take Heart

You do not need to shy away from milestones when you are grieving.Treasure them.In many ways they express the best and most hopeful of what we are and aspire to be.My aunt recently celebrated 70 years of profession in religious life.She has had her own litany of grief, but as her sisters replayed her life in songs and tall stories, reminiscence had one of its finest hours.Our milestones cheer life along.For all the grief in life, there is much joy.These two powerful emotional states are mixed in our lives because both time and eternity are present in our lives.An Indian writer reminds us of this: “death is not extinguishing the light, but putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.”

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

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I knew my dad was dying before he did.Or maybe he knew first.I’m not really sure.We never talked directly about what author Richard Kalish calls “the horse on the dining room table”: that huge thing that would be in the room when I visited my ill father.I tried to bring up the subject of his approaching death, but none of my opening lines seemed to work.”Dad,” I said no one visit, “I don’t think you’ll live to be 120.”"Fine.”"Well how long do you want to live?”"Until l I’m 90.”That conversation took place less than two months before his 90th birthday.Then he looked at me and told me to find a new rabbi for his funeral.In the next breath he added, “put on the stone, “her husband.”

Working Your Way Through

Losing a loved one is never easy.There is always one more event you want to attend, one more conversation you mean to have.It is wrenching to sit with a loved one and wonder if this will be the last visit.You want to cherish every moment.And yet you’re not sure what to say.Here are a few things you can do to make the most of your final conversations with a loved one.

Emphasize The Positive

Who among us can say, “I’ve led a great life.I’ve done everything I meant to do and did it all well.I have no regrets.”Your loved one has as many doubts about life as you do.This could be the time you remind them about the wonderful things they have done.Talking about work accomplishments is good.More important are the personal accomplishments how your loved one was a good parent, friend, child, spouse.You may be the one to put their life into perspective.

Sometimes Talk Sometimes Not

I was lucky: my father was lucid and aware most of the time until the last week of his life.But that last week I had no idea what to do.So I would visit and just sit and talk: tell him my plans for the day or what I had done, what the weather was like.I would read to him and tell him I loved him.Sometimes I just sat and held his hand.Your loved one may have ideas of how they want to be remembered: at a church service, memorial service, funeral, graveside ceremony.They may have thoughts for a headstone on where to scatter their ashes.Talks about the future may also include your future.Much as you love the person who is leaving you, they love you, too.The care and concern your loved one feels for you is not gone.If you have always discussed your plans for the future, don’t stop doing that now.A few months before my father got sick I quit my longtime job.Soon I realized what a blessing that was.For about five or six months I racked up credit card debt and traveled 900 miles a week or two every month to spend time with him.Much of my life was on hold during that time, but I knew that I had to plan my future, find something new to do.When I decided to go to graduate school, I talked with my father about it and told him the options.I ended up attending the graduate program that dad agreed seemed right for me.And it was.

Go Day To Day

You know that your loved one will not get better.And so you visit thinking of all the deep thoughts you want to convey.But when you arrive, your loved one wants to talk about the meals in the hospital, favorite sports teams, the latest political scandal, gossip about a movie star.Your father disagrees with your political views; your mother criticizes your clothes.Your sibling remembers how you never shared your toys; your spouse worries about the mess in the kitchen or weeds in the lawn.Trivial things you think to yourself and wonder why you bothered to visit.”Talking with your dying loved one is a blessing for all involved.”Dying is one of the biggest moments of life, and you might think you should have a “big-deep conversation.”And it’s true-big things have happened to you and your loved one, and one other biggest things is yet to come.But we live day to day and all those little seemingly unimportant things are what add up to making our lives.So it’s fine to discuss politics with your dad, ask your grandmother for a favorite recipe, watch a movie or a favorite TV show together.

Try To Enjoy Your Time Together

Even when the end seems near dying can take a long time-weeks, months.Honest deep conversations are important to continue having but so is fun.My dad and I did brain teasers together; I read him funny essays.We spent his last New Year’s Eve together, walking down a nursing home hallway wearing paper hats and mardi gras beads and blowing noisemakers.Our party ended at 9 p.m. “It’s midnight in Labrador,” I assured dad.Two months later a group of friends and family laughed and talked and sang so loud at his 90th birthday party that we had to close the door to his room in hospice.

Don’t Argue

Your loved one may go in and out of consciousness or forget where they are.Sometimes a simple reminder will bring him or her back to the present, but not always.During the last months of his life, my father got confused a few times.He had to go on a business trip, to his office or back to the army.At first I argued, but then I just agreed.”OK dad I’ll call and straighten it out.”"I don’t think they’re calling your unit up right now.”It was enough.Dad was satisfied.After his death I decided that this behavior wasn’t regret or forgetfulness on his part.It was dad’s way of expressing that he was a responsible person-even at the end.He had one more thing to do one more place to go.Maybe you have had a difficult relationship with your loved one.Some differences may never be resolved.But sometimes small spats lead to larger fights or even broken relationships.If you can try to resolve those differences.You may not succeed in patching up old quarrels.But you will know that you tried.I longed for a conversation with my dad where he would talk on and on praising me and thing about me.I hinted and hinted but I did not hear what I wanted.So one night I praised him.I told him he was a good person and had always been a wonderful father and father-in-law, husband, friend, uncle, brother, son and son-in-law.I knew enough about him and remembered enough stories so that I could be specific, even when talking about people I had never met.He did not say anything that night and never referred to the conversation.I just have to assume that he accepted my gift as lovingly as I gave it.

Take Heart

Losing someone dear to you is always painful, no matter your age or your loved one’s age, no matter how many friends and family members you have already lost.But as proverbs 10.7 tells us “the memory of the righteous is a blessing.”Talking with your dying loved one-whether serious conversations, swapping stories, discussing the news, or even telling jokes-is a blessing for all involved.Your loved one will be comforted knowing they are not alone.And you will have still more memories to cherish forever.May you and all your loved ones be comforted.

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

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In terms of its longevity, aftercare could be considered a newcomer to funeral service.In the past, it was not officially considered an integral part of the profession, and even today there are more funeral homes not offering aftercare then offering it to families.Aftercare has been an integral part of other deathcare-related professions, however, specifically hospice and organ and tissue donation agencies.There was never a debate within these professions as to whether it should be part of the system.In funeral service, a number of aftercare options are available to funeral homes, ranging from the simplest and least expensive option-supplying families with grief support referral information-to the most involved option-providing grief counseling through the funeral home.Other options can include phone calls, personal visits to families, or sending grief literature to them at significant time intervals.This article explores one option that might prove helpful to grieving families while also good for the image of funeral directors.Ralph Klicker discusses the idea from a funeral service perspective, and Maggie Campbell explains how two allied agencies integrate aftercare into their helping model.

Ralph Klicker

I recently attended a funeral director seminar during which the speaker talked about the future of funeral series and painted a not-so-rosy picture.He spoke about the need for funeral directors to change and to do the proverbial “think-out-of-the-box” scenario.As often happens at seminars I agreed to disagreed with some of the predictions and suggestions.As a seminar leader myself, I probably would have taken a more positive, “glass-half-full-not-half-empty-approach,” but I still left with many good ideas.One suggestion the speaker offered was for funeral homes to contact each family they serve before the first anniversary of their loved one’s death and offer the option of a one-year memorial service, to be held at the funeral home or another location.The seminar presenter felt this might not only help families but might also help funeral homes financially through the fees charged to handle the service.Not all attendees thought this was a great idea, however, and some pointed out that the family already had a service (hopefully with the body present) and wondered what good another service would do a year later.Others even suggested that this might cause more pain for the family by bringing grief back to the surface after they had a year to adjust.Personally and professionally, I think this is a good idea because for many grievers, a first anniversary service can serve as a type of milestone.The first year following a death can produce a sea of conflicting emotions.As those who grieve struggle to cope with the fact that their loved ones are no longer with them certain naturally occurring events make it an even more difficult time.First the shock of the death subsides and a harsh realization hits them: their loved one begins just as the griever’s support group of friends and family members to on with their own lives.Sometimes those closest to the griever expect him or her to do the same.Next, 12 months of special days without the deceased occurs for the first time, including birthdays, holidays and special events.Practical stressors also need attention such as disposing of the deceased’s clothing, belongings or toys.Learning to cook, pay the bills, fix broken things, the pressure to move or financial difficulties also adds to the pain and frustration of these 12 months.At the end of this turbulent first year, an anniversary ceremony can provide for some not only a tribute to the deceased but also a new starting point.This does not mean that their grief has ended after 12 months; it simply provides an opportunity to put this turbulent “year of firsts” behind them and take the next steps in the grieving process. A first year anniversary ritual can provide them with another helpful step in their difficult journey.For advice on how other deathcare providers view first year ceremonies, I approached Maggie Campbell, M.S. who serves as a manager of family support at Upstate New York Transplant Services, Inc., in Buffalo, New York.She also has experience as a grief counselor at hospice.

Maggie Campbell

All organ procurement organizations, tissue and eye banks, and hospice organizations offer aftercare programs for the families of the deceased they serve.Those of us working professionally with organ-tissue and eye donor families recognize that they have fairly specific needs, especially during the first year following the death.Most donor families are interested in knowing about the recovery of their loved one’s organs, tissues or eyes, so we provide as much follow-up information as we can.Hospice organizations provide aftercare or bereavement programs for families and friends of the deceased.Through a series of mailings and follow-up phone calls during the first year, hospice social workers or counselors check with families periodically and provide written materials to help the bereaved understand grief and loss.Most hospices also offer bereavement services to the general community in the form of grief support groups, counseling, and grief and loss workshops.In working with bereaved families, I have found that many families possess a strong need to memorialize their loved ones, even after a year.One of their greatest fears seems to be that their loved ones will be forgotten, so aftercare programs accommodate this need to remember.For example all procurement agencies and hospices hold yearly remembrance events.Within the donation field, families and donors are honored at donor recognition ceremonies each year, which offer us a chance to thank families for their unselfish choice of donation.These events are well received by families, especially if they involve videotapes of donors’ pictures and the presentation of tokens of appreciation from the procurement organization.As a procurement organization, we need to thank families, and we believe yearly remembrance events help them adjust to their losses.We find in performing aftercare with families that donor families become some of our best advocates for donation provided they had a positive experience with us.They appreciate that we do not “drop them” after they have donated, but rather keep in touch and offer on-going services.We believe that donation can be the positive aspect of a sad experience for people whose loved ones have died, and the recognizing their contributions through memorial events helps them during their grief by honoring their loved ones.By holding a first-year anniversary service at the funeral home, families have the chance to again share their grief, which most grievers still feel even a year after the death-especially around the anniversary of the death.

Ralph Klicker

An anniversary service is really a type of aftercare service for the funeral home to offer to families.Even if the funeral home does not provide any other traditional aftercare services, this event falls into the category.One thing that research in the field has shown is that providing aftercare services enhances your image within the eyes of the families you serve.This is an opportunity to show families that you care about them for longer than just two or three days.It gets them talking to their friends and family about your caring attitude.You differentiate yourself from competitors that do not offer any type of aftercare.From a practical perspective, if families and friends attend an anniversary service, they will probably not even think about the fact that you might be receiving a fee for the use of your facility and your organizational skills.Instead what they will see is a funeral home honoring the memory of deceased clients and providing a valuable and compassionate service to families.This is a win-win situation.The family wins by being helped and you win by enhancing your image in the community.Not all of the families you serve will take advantage of this opportunity but for those that do, you will provide a therapeutic ritual that is helpful in the grieving process and reinforces the importance of memorializing and remembering the deceased.

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

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The year is 2005 and we have come a long way but people still look for ways to do things more quickly. Some individuals want things to be as cheap as possible while others are more concerned about quality. There are people who do things out of necessity or a sense of “I have to do this” and then there are those who react and respond out of a sense of love and concern for family, friends and colleagues. If we could look through a crystal ball I bet we would discover that back in the 1920’s, 1900’s, 1860’s, 1800’s and earlier people were probably a little different. Look at the evolution of the transportation industry. Consider how we have changed our eating habits versus those of our parents and grandparents. Look at the entertainment industry and the changes there, or at our communication today and its constant changes. Examine almost every aspect of our way of life, everything has changed and continues to change. Thus why should funeral service be any different?More importantly why do some think funeral services should be different?Life is full of changes and sometimes those changes come rapidly. Each of us has our individual beliefs about what we think is “proper” and what is unacceptable but ultimately we do not make the decision about funeral services. As funeral directors we are here to serve. Our mission is to “take care of the dead while we serve the living. “Funeral ceremonies have changed from simple burial ceremonies to elaborate ceremonies that can even involve sending people into space. Something new always seems to wait around the corner. In order for funeral directors to be successful these days I believe we must be prepared to serve families in a wide variety of ways. We are not here to judge a family’s choice of services but rather to provide the best possible service we can while honoring a family’s request as to the type of that service. When funeral directors tell a family, “we do not do that,” or “we do not provide that type of service” or “we cannot do that,” they need to be prepared for others to step up and take their place. I sincerely believe we must provide both the service and the services that families want because if we do not someone else surely will. Value that which you do while remaining open to change. Find within yourself the willingness to adapt to the times. We are funeral directors who serve the living while caring for the dead!

If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.

Cremation Cremains, Cremation, cremation jewelry, Cremation Options, Cremation Remains, Cremation Services, cremation urn, funeral, funeral plans, funeral service