Cremation and Prayer Can Help You In The Days After The Funeral
The days after the funerals of a loved one are some of the most difficult of your life. First you had to endure your loved one’s death. Then you had to go through the funeral, which may have been just as hard. Now you have to face the days and weeks ahead when feelings of sadness, loss and a new kind of loneliness are your daily companions. What can you do to help yourself deal with the shock, fear and emptiness of these days? Where can you turn at such a difficult time?
Working Your Way Through
You can turn to prayer. One of faith’s enduring messages is that God is with us always. By praying we remind ourselves of that truth. Especially now God will draw close to you. As a psalm says: “The lord is near to the broken-hearted” (psalm 34). With God at your side you can pray your way through these most difficult days.
Pray For The Presence Of God
In the first days after the funeral the absence of your loved one can leave you feeling more alone than you’ve ever felt before. Even if relatives and friends stay with you or continue to be part of your life, there doesn’t seem to be anything to fill the emptiness left by the events of the past few days. Nothing can substitute for the presence of your loved one. But you can turn to God in this time of loneliness. Though God is always present, by praying you invite God into your emptiness and loss in a special way. God is your companion in grief-not necessarily to take it away, but to be with you as one who knows how deeply you sadness runs. God is there to comfort you with compassion that never runs out. Besides praying on your own, another way to feel less alone to pray with others-if you’re comfortable doing so-whether with family or friends, in a prayer group, or with a faith community. You may be surprised how much praying with others can help you know you are not alone and give you the support to believe you can go on. Your loved one’s life touched others and prayer can also be a way to keep in mind others who are grieving your loved one. Your heightened sensitivity to loss at this time can also give you a new awareness of how many others are grieving similar losses all around you. A friend says that it was only on the first Mother’s Day after his mother’s death that he realized how painful it is for someone who has recently lost a parent to hear commercials with messages like, “Be sure to let your dad know how much he means to you,” or “Have you called your mom today?” “If only I could,” my friend thought to himself and he realized how many others must feel the same way as they walked past supermarket aisles full of gifts and greeting cards.
Take Your Grief To God
While it’s not easy for everyone to share their grief for many it helps to express the intense sadness and loss of these difficult days. Prayer can be a way to do that. Scripture is one place to turn to find words that give voice to your grief. For someone who is grieving the psalms are some of the best prayers of all. God can give you words when words seem to fail: “How long o Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all day long? (Psalm 13:1-2). To call out in the darkness of your grief: “in my distress I cry to the lord, that he may answer me” (Psalm 120:1). To hear the promise that life is stronger than death: “I believe that I shall see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13). You can also pray with the words of the apostle Paul: “Likewise the spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God who searches the heart knows what is the mind of the spirit because the spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God” (Romans 8:26-27). God knows the depths of your heart and you can speak with God from those depths. God hears your prayers however you make them-formal or spontaneous, traditional or not. It can be a tremendously freeing experience to pray to God in your own words. For some people this kind of prayer comes easily. For others who are perhaps more used to formal prayers it might be harder. Either way you can talk with god as you would to a friend or even say things to God you might never share with another person.
Pray For God’s Blessings
In the weeks and months to come you and your loved ones will have many challenges to face. Just as you have to reshape your emotional life in light of your loss so too you also have to deal with wills and inheritance issues, insurance, pensions, taxes, property and other matters. You’ll also have to get through the often painful adjustments in routines and family relationships in the wake of your loss. These responsibilities while necessary are also an ongoing reminder of your loss. Having to change a bank account, go through a closet, or open a piece of mail addressed to your loved one can bring the shock and sadness of your loss back to you in a rush. For example, my grandparents had two closets: one for her clothes and one for his. After my grandfather died, my grandmother simply could not bring herself to go through my grandfather’s closet. But you are not alone and your greatest helper is God. Pray for the strength you need to get through these difficult times and also for the gift of forgiving yourself when you just can’t do something or can only do so much. By praying in this way you are asking for God’s blessing on the things you have to do and also helping yourself accept and set healthy limits without guilt.
Pray For Guidance
Besides praying for God’s loving care for you and your family, maybe the best thing you can do for yourself is not to move too fast. Your sense of shock may leave you feeling as if you don’t know what to do next. You might be in the grip of a fear that paralyzes you unsure of what the future will hold and whether you will be able to cope with it. Pray for acceptance of how you feel and not to think you have to feel differently right away. And pray for courage to face life after your loss. When Jesus was near the end of his earthly life he prayed for both acceptance and courage. “Father if you are willing remove this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done. Then an angel from heaven appeared to him and gave him strength” (Luke 22:42-43). In facing his own death and loneliness Jesus expressed his fear asked for help and received comfort.
Give Thanks
The things you have to do my feel overwhelming. Your feelings of loss and pain can be just as overwhelming. It’s easy to think you have very little to be thankful for. One way to find a ray of hope is to look for the places where you can be thankful even in small ways. You can start with gratitude for the life of the person you have lost. Remember what your loved one has meant to you and others. Give thanks to God in prayer for the gift of their life and the time you had together. Take your gratitude to God as well for all the people who have supported you in these difficult days: doctors and nurses, hospice staff, funeral directors, friends, neighbors and others. Put these people on a prayer list and says a prayer of thanks for the care and generosity they have shown you.
Take Heart
Be assured in these difficult days after the funeral of your loved one that God knows your sadness and fears, your loneliness and feelings of being lost. In prayer you can give thanks for the light that continues in your life, and for courage and acceptance to face the shadows. God will bless you and keep you, support you, and hear your prayers.
If you or a family member have any further questions or concerns with respect to cremation, cremation services, cremation costs or a direct cremation please feel free to contact Cremation Options toll free 24 hours daily at 1-877-989-9090.