Cremation and First Year Anniversary Services
In terms of its longevity, aftercare could be considered a newcomer to funeral service. In the past, it was not officially considered an integral part of the profession, and even today there are more funeral homes not offering aftercare then offering it to families. Aftercare has been an integral part of other deathcare-related professions, however, specifically hospice and organ and tissue donation agencies. There was never a debate within these professions as to whether it should be part of the system. In funeral service, a number of aftercare options are available to funeral homes, ranging from the simplest and least expensive option-supplying families with grief support referral information-to the most involved option-providing grief counseling through the funeral home. Other options can include phone calls, personal visits to families, or sending grief literature to them at significant time intervals. This article explores one option that might prove helpful to grieving families while also good for the image of funeral directors. Ralph Klicker discusses the idea from a funeral service perspective, and Maggie Campbell explains how two allied agencies integrate aftercare into their helping model.
Ralph Klicker
I recently attended a funeral director seminar during which the speaker talked about the future of funeral series and painted a not-so-rosy picture. He spoke about the need for funeral directors to change and to do the proverbial “think-out-of-the-box” scenario. As often happens at seminars I agreed to disagreed with some of the predictions and suggestions. As a seminar leader myself, I probably would have taken a more positive, “glass-half-full-not-half-empty-approach,” but I still left with many good ideas. One suggestion the speaker offered was for funeral homes to contact each family they serve before the first anniversary of their loved one’s death and offer the option of a one-year memorial service, to be held at the funeral home or another location. The seminar presenter felt this might not only help families but might also help funeral homes financially through the fees charged to handle the service. Not all attendees thought this was a great idea, however, and some pointed out that the family already had a service (hopefully with the body present) and wondered what good another service would do a year later. Others even suggested that this might cause more pain for the family by bringing grief back to the surface after they had a year to adjust. Personally and professionally, I think this is a good idea because for many grievers, a first anniversary service can serve as a type of milestone. The first year following a death can produce a sea of conflicting emotions. As those who grieve struggle to cope with the fact that their loved ones are no longer with them certain naturally occurring events make it an even more difficult time. First the shock of the death subsides and a harsh realization hits them: their loved one begins just as the griever’s support group of friends and family members to on with their own lives. Sometimes those closest to the griever expect him or her to do the same. Next, 12 months of special days without the deceased occurs for the first time, including birthdays, holidays and special events. Practical stressors also need attention such as disposing of the deceased’s clothing, belongings or toys. Learning to cook, pay the bills, fix broken things, the pressure to move or financial difficulties also adds to the pain and frustration of these 12 months. At the end of this turbulent first year, an anniversary ceremony can provide for some not only a tribute to the deceased but also a new starting point. This does not mean that their grief has ended after 12 months; it simply provides an opportunity to put this turbulent “year of firsts” behind them and take the next steps in the grieving process. A first year anniversary ritual can provide them with another helpful step in their difficult journey. For advice on how other deathcare providers view first year ceremonies, I approached Maggie Campbell, M.S. who serves as a manager of family support at Upstate New York Transplant Services, Inc., in Buffalo, New York. She also has experience as a grief counselor at hospice.
Maggie Campbell
All organ procurement organizations, tissue and eye banks, and hospice organizations offer aftercare programs for the families of the deceased they serve. Those of us working professionally with organ-tissue and eye donor families recognize that they have fairly specific needs, especially during the first year following the death. Most donor families are interested in knowing about the recovery of their loved one’s organs, tissues or eyes, so we provide as much follow-up information as we can. Hospice organizations provide aftercare or bereavement programs for families and friends of the deceased. Through a series of mailings and follow-up phone calls during the first year, hospice social workers or counselors check with families periodically and provide written materials to help the bereaved understand grief and loss. Most hospices also offer bereavement services to the general community in the form of grief support groups, counseling, and grief and loss workshops. In working with bereaved families, I have found that many families possess a strong need to memorialize their loved ones, even after a year. One of their greatest fears seems to be that their loved ones will be forgotten, so aftercare programs accommodate this need to remember. For example all procurement agencies and hospices hold yearly remembrance events. Within the donation field, families and donors are honored at donor recognition ceremonies each year, which offer us a chance to thank families for their unselfish choice of donation. These events are well received by families, especially if they involve videotapes of donors’ pictures and the presentation of tokens of appreciation from the procurement organization. As a procurement organization, we need to thank families, and we believe yearly remembrance events help them adjust to their losses. We find in performing aftercare with families that donor families become some of our best advocates for donation provided they had a positive experience with us. They appreciate that we do not “drop them” after they have donated, but rather keep in touch and offer on-going services. We believe that donation can be the positive aspect of a sad experience for people whose loved ones have died, and the recognizing their contributions through memorial events helps them during their grief by honoring their loved ones. By holding a first-year anniversary service at the funeral home, families have the chance to again share their grief, which most grievers still feel even a year after the death-especially around the anniversary of the death.
Ralph Klicker
An anniversary service is really a type of aftercare service for the funeral home to offer to families. Even if the funeral home does not provide any other traditional aftercare services, this event falls into the category. One thing that research in the field has shown is that providing aftercare services enhances your image within the eyes of the families you serve. This is an opportunity to show families that you care about them for longer than just two or three days. It gets them talking to their friends and family about your caring attitude. You differentiate yourself from competitors that do not offer any type of aftercare. From a practical perspective, if families and friends attend an anniversary service, they will probably not even think about the fact that you might be receiving a fee for the use of your facility and your organizational skills. Instead what they will see is a funeral home honoring the memory of deceased clients and providing a valuable and compassionate service to families. This is a win-win situation. The family wins by being helped and you win by enhancing your image in the community. Not all of the families you serve will take advantage of this opportunity but for those that do, you will provide a therapeutic ritual that is helpful in the grieving process and reinforces the importance of memorializing and remembering the deceased.
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