CREMATION OPTIONS

Whenever I hear of a parent who loses a child I am immediately taken back to June 1999 when we lost our 6 year old son Daniel.

Because of our own bereavement our reactions to the deaths of children inevitably include a deep sympathy for surviving parents. We think for instance about what the parents will be facing in the weeks, months and years to come. It is possible for us to look at the parents who have recently lost a child and to detect in their numbed responses some of the unwillingness to accept the facts that accompanies the survivors in the early days after such a tragedy. We think to ourselves, “they have no idea what their lives are probably going to become in the next few years.” Whether you are grieving the death of a child, spouse, parent or other loved one a simple truth applies sometimes grief lasts a lifetime.

The death of a loved one becomes a crucial event in any person’s life, which is no surprise. Grief can be grueling. And for many grieving people it becomes not only the crucial before‐and‐after moment of adulthood but it usually has a lifetime effect. And yet there is hope in even the most difficult of experiences.

WORK THROUGH THE MULTIPLE MYTHS ABOUT THE ORDEAL

They say for instance that time heals all wounds. But about two years after my son Daniel’s death I ws not feeling better but markedly worse‐I was actually getting so discouraged and often so physically and emotionally anesthetized that I began to do research into the clinical findings about parental grief and its effects on surviving parents. The findings of clinical psychologists helped me to understand several things. First my reactions were normal and predictable. I was not losing my mind but experiencing what the vast majority of bereaved parents experience. The feelings of numbness, shortness of breath and incoherence in my thought patterns are very common. Looking around and expecting Daniel to run in at my moment is not a sign of mental illness. Seriously questioning the nature of god is not unusual for people of faith. My emotional and physiological responses were quite predictable.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO “LET GO OF THE DEAD LOVED ONE AND GO ON WITH YOUR OWN LIFE”

This sort of advice has its roots in earlier theories of grief that considered extended or long lasting grief to be “pathological.” One school of thought made the distinction between mourning which is the normal reaction to the loss of a loved one and melancholia which his essentially a form of mental illness. According to this way of thinking, grieving people need to break free from the deceased, let go of the past, and reassert themselves by forging ahead and charting a new course in life. But Daniel’s death left very intense and never ending changes in both my wife and in me. We still think about Daniel every day, miss him a lot, and refuse to “let go” of him. Clinical workers are now discovering that this reaction is not only predictable but probably healthier for the bereaved. In reality lifelong grief is normal in cases of the loss of close family members. Today more and more psychologists are recognizing the importance of continuing bonds with the dead. In my own case I still feel a deep connection with my son and I have no intention of ever trying to break that bond. Neither does my wife.

BEREAVEMENT BRINGS ABOUT A CRISIS OF MEANING

Losing a loved one challenges one’s view of the world, leading frequently to a kind of despair and hopelessness. For us our child evoked a connection with the past, an investment in the future, and an extension of self. Children are concrete expressions of hope in the future and when a child dies much of a person’s hope dies was well. The same is true for other close personal losses, whether of your spouse, your parent, a sibling or long‐term dear friend. Because Daniel was our only child my wife and I felt lost and forlorn‐and still do in some respects‐in not having a legacy for the future. Our loss challenged our previous assumptions about the purpose and meaning of life. Because Daniel was such an important part of the meaning of our lives what was left for the future? Related to this ongoing sense of hopelessness is the fact that some studies show that grief actually gets worse with time. It was pretty depressing to realize that I might not have bottomed out yet. Often the most difficult moments of grief occur long after the actual death. In my case I think it has been the chronic suffering of my wife that has been the hardest for both of us‐and we are still dealing with its aftermath. And chronic suffering has probably inspired more crises of doubt and meaning than almost anything else in human history.

YOU CAN STILL BELIEVE

One of the oddities of the research on people who grieve is the differences in spiritual reactions that survivors can experience. Some turn completely and permanently away from their faith community, god and religious belief of any sort. Others turn even more strongly toward God and find their religious faith rejuvenated and strengthened. And then there are some who experience a little bit of both. Their responses are quite torn, it seems‐they seemingly must deal with both increasing doubts about god as well as increasing faith, however strange that might sound. Personally one of the greatest consolations in my own experience has been the realization that I actually do believe in god. I have been reminded over and over of the powerful ending to the sermon on the mount in Matthew 7, where Jesus describes a storm hitting two different kinds of houses, one built on sand, the other on solid rock. Over these eight years, I have been thankful so many times to realize that there was a little bit of rock underneath my life. At times I have even wondered why my wife Hiroko and I have continued to believe. I often ask why we were fortunate enough to have something real underneath our feet while others discover when challenged by similar disasters that their beliefs were no more real to them than fairy tales. Here the certainty dies away because I do not really have an answer.

YOU CAN KEEP THE BOND WITH YOUR LOVED ONE

As study after study indicates survivors hold the dead in loving memory for long periods often forever. I imagine that Hiroko and I will go to our own graves holding Daniel in our memories and remembering him almost as if he were still with us‐partly because on some level we believe he really is. Even more importantly I have embraced a new way of thinking about my loss. It boils down to the fact that we need never simply “let go and move on.” In fact through much contact with grieving parents I have noted that surviving parents describe how the dead child will continue to live on in their hearts and thus act as a motivation for giving back to society by survivors. The focus on a continuing bond with the dead reveals a belief in the possibility of human redemption in the face of tragedy is documented repeatedly in the stories that grievers tell about the memory of their loved ones. Much evidence for example shows how survivors many times become more compassionate and merciful after a loss. Often memories of the dead have spurred grievers on to good works that benefit humanity done as a legacy to the one they lost. In other words survivors do recognize that the bonds with the dead continue even after death. They know that the legacy of their loved one does not need to dwindle away into oblivion. Though some people might like to dismiss these sorts of sentiments as wishful thinking or worse they actually emerge from deeply held beliefs about the power of suffering, the motivational memory of the beloved and ultimately of a potential reunion.

TAKE HEART

I certainly do not wish to underestimate the experience of losing a loved one. Losing our son Daniel was a thunderclap of a blow. And the trauma of this grief is terrible and long‐lasting to be sure. Only these many years later my wife and I finally are managing to breathe more deeply and we have managed to continue our journey. Nevertheless the presence of Daniel is always there to keep me going, as sentimental as that might sound. I am also comforted that somehow miraculously we still remember god the one who holds all things together (Hebrews 1:3). And I am thankful that for me something real ‐‐‐god‐was underneath it all. Finally we do hold out hope for a reunion with our son. Until then and hopefully for long after our bond with Daniel will continue.

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

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BE SURE YOUR FAMILY RECEIVES THE BENEFITS YOU’VE EARNED

Most of us plan for the years when we no longer need to, want to, or cannot work.  It is a necessity we cannot afford to ignore.  The federal and state governments have programs such as Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid to which we all contribute while working.  Being informed as to what we have earned and making sure we receive these important benefits is part of “Being Prepared.“ There are other important aspects to being prepared, such as preparing a Will and making funeral arrangements.

WHERE TO START

Knowing where to start can help make planning easier.  Although this brochure cannot answer all of your questions, it will highlight the main steps for you. We find once families know what to do, planning is not difficult.  As funeral directors, we are able to assist with the details and answer questions you may have about government death benefits and funeral planning.  No matter what you decide to do first, it’s important to start now, today.

WHY YOU SHOULD PLAN

We plan for every aspect of life. Having a family, vacations, weddings, and retirement are all things we plan. We prepare for what might happen such as fires, accidents or floods.  But, because most of us do not like to think about death- we avoid making important funeral decisions in advance. Now more than ever, it is important to plan ahead. Our way of life is more complicated. Family members often live in different states, dealing with government agencies can be frustrating, and every household feels the impact of inflation.

Family members making funeral arrangements immediately following a death often are confused and upset. Many times, they do not have the information needed to claim benefits. Each year millions of dollars in government and insurance benefits go unclaimed.  Planning ahead prevents emotional overspending and protects your
family’s interests.

FOUR  GOOD  REASONS  FOR  MAKING  FUNERAL  ARRANGEMENTS  IN  ADVANCE

1.  Your Family

Without a doubt the most important reason for making funeral and other estate arrangements in advance is to spare your family this task at a difficult time.  There are over 50 decisions to be made when arranging a funeral.  Making these decisions today, with the help of those close to you, lets you make logical, well thought out plans that your family will appreciate.

2.  Lower Costs

Though not a requirement, you may wish to invest in a funeral trust account or final expense insurance policy when making funeral arrangements. While most of us have life insurance or funds reserved for retirement, these are intended for the living, not to meet the cost of a funeral.

In most situations, funds invested today will be sufficient to cover the total cost of the funeral at time of need. The interest earned by the account or policy will help to offset the effects of inflation. Government regulations safeguard your investment so that funds will always be available for your family’s use.

3.  Securing Benefits

With the number of revisions in government benefits over the years, it is important for each person to be aware of these changes and how to protect those benefits.

• Social Security Upon death, dependents and survivors may be eligible for certain benefits such as Death Payments, Survivor’s Benefits and Medicare. Qualifications depend on age, marital status, number of dependents involved and if employment was under Social Security.  Your Social Security account should be  verified periodically to be sure contributions are properly posted.  All benefits must be applied for; payment is not automatic. Since qualifications vary, we recommend discussing your particular situation with us personally.
• Veteran’s Benefits There are many misconceptions regarding Veterans’ death benefits.  Honorably discharged veterans may qualify for cemetery plot and burial allowances, headstone, and burial flag, as well as a pension for survivors. These benefits may affect decisions about funeral  arrangements. Because qualifications and benefits vary, we recommend a personal review of your situation.
• Medicaid Few people are aware of provisions under Federal Title 19 where an individual can shelter funds to serve the family later by providing for funeral arrangements. We can explain these options to you.

4.  Peace Of Mind

We often have special wishes as to where to be buried, who is to receive our personal effects, and how we are to be memorialized.  Making funeral arrangements today permits time for you to tend to every detail. You gain the confidence that results from making unhurried, informed decisions. Plus, your family and others who care for you will be assured the arrangements reflect your true wishes.

Planning ahead…you have true peace of mind knowing you have taken care of everything.

HOW TO PLAN

Investigate

Most people are unsure how to secure benefits and to be certain everything will be carried out according to their wishes.  Often people delay making a Will because they feel they have little to leave behind.  Yet, a Will is vital to insure belongings are properly distributed and to avoid excess taxes.  A Will allows you to name an executor-someone in which you have confidence- to carry out your wishes. You should have an attorney prepare your Will to be certain legal requirements are met.

Legal procedures following death are also confusing.  For example, since a Will is most often read and administered after the funeral, the practical, safe approach is to have a separate document for funeral requests.

Arranging a funeral is involved with over 50 decisions that must be made. Decisions that are an added burden for family members when dealing with grief over the loss of a loved one.

By speaking with one of our qualified funeral planning counselors, you will have taken the most important step towards “being prepared.”

Organize

We all have documents and information which others would have trouble locating: military discharge papers, Social Security numbers, bank accounts, safety deposit box keys, insurance policies, relatives’  addresses. All of these items must be organized to eliminate frustrating hours of searching and to be certain everything will be found.  Insurance companies report that life insurance benefits are often unclaimed because survivors were unaware a policy existed.  The diary in this booklet will help you organize your personal information.  And, we can assist you in making a permanent record of your wishes.

Consider

No matter what your final wishes, planning in advance permits choices and valuable input from those closest to you. Some considerations for your funeral service are listed below. Your decisions can be recorded in the diary pages at the back of this guide.

1. Have you selected a cemetery or memorial location?
2. Have you prepaid the funeral service?
3. Are certain religious or fraternal customs to be followed?
4. Do you wish a military service?
5. Do you prefer a particular charity as a recipient of memorial gifts?
6. Do you wish to name pallbearers?
7. Do you wish to be buried in particular clothing or jewelry?
8. Are there any special readings, biblical passages, or musical selections you prefer?
9. Would you prefer a casket of metal or hardwood, protective or non-protective?
10. What type of monument or marker do you prefer?

This list is far from complete, but it gives you an idea of the many decisions involved when planning a funeral. Our services help you make the decisions right for you.

Decide

To protect your family, you will want to make some decisions and arrangements. As experienced funeral directors, we can assist you in all stages of planning, from completing paperwork to helping and counseling the bereaved.  We retain a complete record of your plans to insure they are carried out on your behalf.

A funeral trust account or final expense insurance is not a requirement of pre-arrangement, but the benefits merit serious consideration.  By deciding on funeral cost now, you help your family avoid emotional overspending and safeguard life insurance benefits.

Finally, be sure to advise your family of your decisions and the arrangements you have made. Knowing everything is taken care of will give both you and your family peace of mind.

QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE:

What If I Move?

Your funeral plans can be transferred at any time if you should move. We can even recommend a reputable funeral home in your new community. Through pre-arrangement, you can be confident your wishes will be fulfilled wherever you may live.

What If I Die Away From Home?

If you are traveling or visiting another city when death occurs, your survivors should contact our funeral home immediately.  We will make the necessary arrangements with a funeral home in that location to assist with transfer.

What If I Change My Mind?

Our funeral home is established upon service to families. We respect  your wishes at all times and work hard to meet the special needs and requests from you and your family, both when planning ahead and at time of need. Together we can develop plans to meet your current needs.

What If Your Funeral Home Would Not Be In Business?

You can be assured your funds are protected by state and federal regulations regardless of the operation at our funeral home.  However, our funeral home has a long-standing reputation and is committed to continuing to serve the many families who have placed their trust in us.

Are Funerals Expensive?

The cost of a funeral depends on what you prefer.  We offer many services to choose from and a wide selection of caskets, vaults, and other memorials. Part of “being prepared” is knowing the cost so you will feel comfortable with the selections you make.  We are willing to discuss specific cost with you. Advance planning also helps you prepare for the expense and permits you to set aside the funds over a period of time.

What Type Of Funeral Service Do Most Families Select?

Most people prefer a traditional funeral.  However, we offer many other choices to make the service meaningful to the family.  Memorial services, musical request, cremation, military and fraternal tributes are just a few of the options we make available.  We try to honor any special preferences or requests.

What About Monuments And Memorials?

Often families prefer to arrange for monuments or memorials in advance.  It is important for you to find out the differences in quality, material, and workmanship as well as cemetery requirements before the need arises.

AS YOU PREPARE FOR THE FUTURE…

The personal choices you make now, with clarity of mind and concern for others, are once in a lifetime decisions.  We want you to know that you can depend on us for the professional guidance you expect.

As funeral directors, we are trained to provide personal, specialized attention to all the responsibilities surrounding death and funeral services.  We will help you consider your options and organize your plans.

Contact Cremation Options to talk about funeral planning or with any questions you may have.

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You are never prepared for the death of a loved one, even when that death comes after a long and serious illness. And when the loss is sudden and unexpected, as it was for me, the shock can be overwhelming.

No matter the circumstances of loss, there is always sadness, heartache, and emptiness. As you struggle to go on with life after your loved one has died, you face painful questions: How can you handle the anguish of grief? How can you find peace and joy and meaning in life? How can you learn to trust life and love again? Working your way through One fateful day years ago, a state trooper told me that a car accident had taken the lives of my wife, Chrissie, our oldest daughter, Christine, and my wife’s parents, who were visiting at the time. After the accident, in trying to help my two surviving daughters understand what had happened, I realized that I was utterly vacant, unsure, and angry. I experienced deep depression for the first time in my life. In a real way, though, my need to help Aimee and Katie sort through their feelings and questions helped me sort through my own. Although I have never come up with any simple answers or solutions to the pain of loss, I do have some thoughts about grieving. I hope they will bring you strength and aid as you cope with the loss of your loved one.

Accept your feelings. Whether your loss has come in a swift and dramatic fashion or was long expected, your feelings are no doubt intense and painful. Along with sadness, you may be hit by a flood of other, sometimes conflicting, feelings: anger, helplessness, fear, guilt, regret, loneliness, despair. I discovered that it does no good to fight such feelings. Pushing them down only seems only seems to make them come back with even greater fury. Instead, I had to learn to respect these feelings as part of me‐a testimony to my intense love and loss. And I needed to give them time and space to express themselves. Only when I was able to accept and even embrace such feelings as natural and normal and an integral part of my healing process was I able to work through them. Remain open to the hurt within you. At times you. At times you may want to suppress or avoid it with distractions and busyness. That’s understandable, and may even be necessary sometimes, but eventually your emotions will surface; grief will demand your attention. Give it that attention willingly and you will make the process easier.

Let people know what you need. In their efforts to comfort me, well‐meaning people sometimes actually caused me discomfort. Their words about “God’s will,” or about how they knew “just how I feel,” or about how things “always work out for the best,” rang hollow. I found that the solution was to tell them gently but honestly what I needed from them: “Thank you, but I need to grieve in my own way and on my own timetable. Mostly, I want you to just be with me.” When someone’s attempt to comfort you only deepens the hurt, remind yourself of that person’s good intentions and forgive him or her for not understanding. If you find yourself over‐whelmed by life’s daily responsibilities, as you surely will at this stressful time, call on those around you for assistance. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need‐people will respond with amazing generosity. Friends and family often want to help, but don’t know how. If you let them know specific ways they can help, you will be doing them, as well as yourself, a favor. “Be open to the pain of your broken heart. God enters through its brokenness.”

Treasure your relationships. Death makes life all the more precious. I felt so fortunate to have my daughters to hold on to through the pain. But I know that many people who lose someone close feel abandoned and alone‐as if they have no one or nothing to live for. If you feel this way, try being with people who are also grieving, in bereavement support group, for example. As you tell your stories, you will share an understanding of the heart deeper than words. The survival of those who have found healing after loss is reassurance that you, too, can endure. Find people with whom you can laugh and cry and share new experiences. They will help you mend your shattered life. They will help you mend your shattered life. They will reflect back to you your own goodness. And they will plant new seeds of love for you to harvest. It’s hard to take the risk to get close to people again. Many times I just wanted to be alone, to grieve privately. Yet I know that my family and friends have been priceless. I have thrived simply on the fact that they have been there for me, and we have kept good company.

Draw on faith for healing. Life now may seem unreal and terribly wrong. You may feel cheated. As you struggle to make sense of your tragedy, reassure yourself that it’s okay to be angry with God. But also realize that your loss is not God’s punishment or an attempt to test you. God shares the hurt in your heart and wants to lead you to new hope and peace. I can’t say what it was that gradually dissolved my own bitterness toward God. Time? My angry “prayers”? God’s own workings? I only know that God’s goodness‐visible in other people, in the world, in myself became too apparent for me to ignore or deny. And I began to trust life again. That, after all, is what it comes down to: trust. Trust that life doesn’t end with death. Trust that loved ones who have died are forever with God and that God is forever with us, too. A supportive faith community, pastoral leader, or spiritual counselor may be able to help you, over time, to reconcile your loss and pain with your belief in a loving, faithful God.

Be patient with yourself. Grieving has many stages, which might include shock, numbness, denial, depression, confusion, fear, anger, bitterness, guilt, regret, acceptance, hope. These stages may come in any order, any number of times. Give yourself time to move through grief at your own pace and in your own individual way. Anniversaries and holidays‐times that used to mean joy and celebration‐ can be among the toughest days of the years. You may want to forgo certain traditions or obligations if they seem too burdensome, or possibly create new traditions that memorialize your loved one. You may feel overwhelmed as you try to adjust to the day‐to‐day changes the loss of a loved one can bring. My wife’s death thrust me into new, awkward roles and responsibilities. I tried not to expect too much of myself too soon, just to
start with the small tasks first, to be patient with myself and my mistakes. I discovered that the routine tasks of maintaining my job and family helped restore in my life that familiar structure which chaos of grief threatened to destroy. Maybe you feel like you don’t have anyone who needs you anymore. Maybe you don’t have young children or a job to give you an anchor in life. But whatever personal attributes you have that made you so dear to your loved one are still there, waiting to be tapped to bring joy to others. The world needs the gift of you!

Take heart The one that you have loved and lost will always be with you, in memory and in prayer, for the love between you is a spiritual bond that death cannot sever.

As impossible as it may seem right now, a time will come when you will be able to think of your loved one, and feel the sacred connection between the two of you, without the pain and emptiness you feel right now. A time will come when you will want to laugh and live and love again. Let yourself heal‐in your own time and your own way. The one that you have loved and lost would want it that way.

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

Children, Cremation, Grief, funeral, healing

Do you know how to talk with children about the death of a beloved family member? Here is the second installment in a two part series about ways in which you can break the news.

Accept your child’s emotional response, whatever it is. A grieving child may become angry or aggressive, withdrawn or silent, tearful or fearful. He may have trouble sleeping, lose his appetite, or do poorly in school. Possibly, he may seem not
even to have noticed. The important thing is not how your child reacts, but that he knows such reactions are okay. Never belittle his loss or try to tell him what he should be feeling or for how long. Let him know that it takes a while to feel better after someone dies, but that as time goes on, it won’t hurt so much. If your child is younger, he may seem indifferent to the news of the death and go back to playing with his toys. This is normal, as young children have a shorter sadness attention span. Your child will deal with grief gradually, as he is able to handle it. Drawing pictures or playing with
puppets or dolls can be good nonverbal outlets for feelings.

Encourage your child to participate in the visitation and the funeral
services. Parents often wonder whether children belong at funeral and burial services when a friend or relative dies. They worry that their child may be too little to understand, or that seeing the body will be traumatic. Clinical psychologist Lyn Sontag insists, however, that “children should be included appropriately in all family grieving rituals. For kids to be shut out is wrong and potentially damaging.” Including a child in the funeral services gives her the opportunity to grieve and begin to let go, with‐in the
comforting arms of family and friends. The best thing you can do to help your child have a good experience at the memorial service or funeral is to prepare him thoroughly for what to expect. Talk about what the service or ritual signifies: that it is a chance for those who knew and loved the deceased to support and comfort one another in their sadness. It’s also a chance to honor that person’s life‐to remember and tell stories, to laugh and cry. Talk about what your faith tradition believes about life after death, and how the service will also point to this. If your child doesn’t want to attend the funeral services, see if you can find out why. You may be able to uncover some unrealistic fears or fantasies which you can dispel through simple explanation. If your child still adamantly refuses to go, however, give her the option to stay home with a friend or trusted sitter.

Help your child deal with the lingering effects of grief. Grief does not go away once the wake and funeral are over. In fact, once everyone goes back to their daily lives, it can feel even worse. It can help to get back into a familiar routine, but you still need to leave space for grieving. An older child, who may be embarrassed about crying or grieving openly, will still have needs for security after a death. Spend extra time with him one‐on‐one, give him extra affection, and keep your sense of humor. Don’t fall into the trap of silence, thinking that you can spare your child sad feelings by not bringing up the person who died. Instead, talk about your memories of your loved one, and encourage your child to do the same. If you both cry, that’s fine‐it’s a path to healing.

Plan a visit to the cemetery, to bring flowers or mementos to the grave. Holidays can be especially painful times, particularly the first ones after the death. Plan out how you
will remember your loved one at this time. Children need to know that it’s okay to be sad and miss the person even at a joyful time of year. Be sure to share your happy memories together. Take heart walking through grief over a loved one’s death can be a healthy experience for a child, if he or she is accompanied by loving parents and family members throughout the process. Children can witness family and friends supporting each other, expressing their grief, and keeping alive cherished memories of the person who died. Many world faiths embrace the belief that “Love is stronger than death.” By giving your child your honesty, love, and patience during this difficult time, your child will learn that lesson firsthand.

Need help with planning a funeral or cremation services? Please call the caring experts at Cremation Options 1-877-989-9090 today.

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How do you talk to a child about the death of a loved one? My son James was 4 years old when his grandpa died after nearly two weeks in intensive care. James had been having a great time coloring and playing in the ICU waiting room, especially enjoying the presence of his grandma, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I’m sure to him it all seemed like a days‐long party.

When we finally knew that my dad was going to die soon, I called our trusted pediatrician for advice on how to break the news. “Tell him the truth in a way that he can understand,” he said. “Don’t tell him Grandpa went to sleep or went away somewhere.” Should he go to the wake and the funeral? “Explain it to him, and let him decide, but don’t force him to go,” the doctor said. When the time came, my husband and I told James that Grandpa had died, and we all cried together. ThenJames asked, “You mean, we won’t be going to the hospital with everyone anymore?” at that, he cried even more

Working your way through talking with a child about the death of a loved one is something many of us dread. We don’t want to see our child in pain and grief. We fear saying the wrong thing. We may be afraid we’ll start to cry in front of the child. We’re not sure how well they can grasp the situation at their particular age. By keeping a few helpful principles in mind, we can walk with our child through this difficult time and in their own way.

Be honest. Speak the truth gently. Don’t try to spare your child’s feelings by withholding news of the death. Children are very perceptive, and may already sense something is wrong. Tell your child plainly and simply that her loved one has died, and that this makes you very sad. For a younger child who has no concept of the finality of death, you will need to explain
what it means: “When a person’s body is very old, it gets broken and the doctors are unable to fix it.” You don’t need to hide your tears or sorrow from your child. Crying in front of her lets
her know that this is acceptable way to handle the grief of losing someone close. Whatever your child’s age, it’s best to avoid euphemisms like “Grandpa passed away” or “Aunt Margaret
fell asleep.” Such figures of speech deny the permanence of death. Your child needs to understand that she will never experience her loved one’s presence of death. Your child needs to understand that she will never experience her loved one’s presence in quite the same away again, although she can still experience that person’s special love and spirit. This is the perfect lead‐in to talk about your family’s religious beliefs concerning cremation services and life after death. It can be a wonderful consolation to a grief‐stricken child to think that her loved one is with God, and that someday you will all be together again. Reassure your child that she will never really lose this
person she loved, and that she will always carry her loved one’s spirit within her.

Reassure your child, and answer your child’s questions. A younger child may think she caused the death by misbehaving or thinking bad thoughts, or think that if she is very good, she can bring Grandma back. Reassure her that Grandma’s dying was not her fault, nor sadly, can she bring Grandma back. Or a child may reason, “If it happened to Grandma, it can
happen to me! Or my parents!” reassure her that being sick usually does not mean someone will die, and that most people live a very long time. And let her know that whatever happens,
she will not be left all alone‐there will always be people to love and care for her. “Any child old enough to love is old enough to mourn.” Older children will often ask lots of questions about the physical and practical details of death. “What do they do with the body? What does it feel like?” “How heavy is the casket? When will they bury it?” This curiosity is one way children deal with death. Answer their questions honestly and patiently, even if they may be difficult for you to hear.

Need more information about explaining death to younger family members? Talk to the caring professionals at Cremation Options today 1-877-989-9090

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