CREMATION OPTIONS

If you are in the middle of grieving the loss of someone close to you, you don’t need a booklet to tell you that you are going through a difficult time. You don’t need someone else to tell you that your pain may at times feel overwhelming. Yet precisely because you are having a difficult time it is likely that you are not getting everything you need to help you move through this season of grief. And you may not even be aware of the kinds of things you have a right to experience and express and to expect of others during this difficult time.

Grieving well is an active process and it takes a lot of work. Here are some things you can consider your “rights” as you do the work of grieving.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE YOUR TIME

Things move quickly in our society from fast food to instant internet access. Grieving however takes time. Some people need more time than others to honor the process of grieving-lots more time. If you are one of those people take that time. You may have to tend to responsibilities at work and to family members or perhaps you have to deal with settling the affairs of the loved one who has died. But you still are a person in grief. Don’t feel obliged to “get over it” just because others don’t understand or share your loss or because they mistakenly believe that you should be able to get on with your life in a time frame that is convenient for them.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS

There is no one right way to grieve. And the process of grieving involves a wide variety of experiences and emotions that my include depression, anxiety, anger, disappointment and more. Professionals who specialize in working with grieving people suggest that it is helpful to have someone who can truly listen to you as you tell the stories of your loss. This can be a good friend, a counselor, or pastoral minister-anyone who has the ability to give you the full attention you need at this time. You may also want to express yourself in writing or music, or by creating some kind of tribute to the one who has died. Whatever your loss, you may notice feelings of anger surfacing from time to time, or even quite frequently. It is perfectly normal to feel this way, especially if your loss was sudden or the result of violence or if you have unfinished business with the one who has died. Sometimes we just feel cheated out of more time with our loved one. In any case you may be confused about what to do with your anger. When it comes to expressing anger, many of us lack good role models. We may have been told that anger is not “nice” and that we should stuff it. Or perhaps we’ve seen what badly expressed anger and rage can do to people (broken relationships, domestic violence, road rage, etc.) and have concluded that it might be better not to give our own anger too much attention. Yet ignoring anger doesn’t make it go away, at least not for long. You owe it to your spiritual and mental health to look for ways and places to express your anger that are safe and appropriate both for you and for others. Sometimes writing your feelings out in letter or journal format is a good option. Other times talking with a friend or a counselor is the way to go. Some people find it helpful to physically release the energy of their anger through vigorous exercise or by doing some manual labor. Whatever option you choose, most people find they feel much better when they get the anger out in a healthy, non destructive way rather than hold it in.

“Hope is hearing the melody of the future; faith is dancing to it today.”

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

A grieving person is more likely than others to become ill because of the toll the stress places on the body. Do your very best to take care of yourself by getting plenty of rest, eating well and exercising. Treat yourself to a massage or a soak in a hot bathtub. Keep fresh flowers in your house and drink plenty of water or herbal teas. Avoid medicating your pain with pills or heavy drinking. Not only will your body become more stressed by drinking or using drugs, you will only postpone working through your loss until a later date, as well as create a whole new set of problems.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE TIME OUT

You have a right to-and very likely a need for -time to yourself and by yourself. This time may be difficult to come by if you are parenting children or if you have a demanding job. Get creative. After her father’s death, June decided to get up a half-hour earlier than she previously had in order to carve time out from her busy life as a homemaker and mother. She used the time to pray, to cry and to write out her feelings in a journal in order to honor the tremendous loss she had experienced. At some point you may feel the need to “take some time off” from your grieving. Go to a movie, hike in the woods, take a vacation. It’s OK and even helpful to care for yourself in this way. You are probably feeling out of balance, so taking a little breather may be just what you need. It doesn’t mean that you have forgotten your loved one and it is not “disrespectful” to the one who has died, to take some time out to rejuvenate. This is especially important if you were a caretaker during your loved one’s illness.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPECT SUPPORT

Although your experience of grieving is uniquely yours, you do not have to go through it alone. Grief shared with others can actually bring people closer together. Accept offers of help from family and friends. Call a grief counselor at a funeral home or cremation services. If you don’t have much of an appetite right now, freeze the food that people drop off and warm it up when you are hungry and don’t feel like cooking. Let someone run errands for you and even do some cleaning if they offer. If you belong to a faith community you may have some built in support through a prayer group or support group. Let your community know what you need. Most of the time people are eager to help.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO HEAL AND TO TRUST AGAIN

You may feel as if that place inside you that aches for your loved one will never be the same again. And you are right about that. You will never be the same. But you can head from the pain of your loss. And you have a right to that healing. People sometimes feel guilty when they begin to feel better, mistakenly believing that if they give their pain, they give up their connection to the one who has died. But in reality you will always be connected to our dear ones. Those who have been a part of you will always be a part of you. Healing from the pain of your loss will allow you to treasure your memories with more smiles and fewer tears. You’ve been hurt, deeply. Perhaps the loss you have suffered was previously unimaginable to you. You are grieving, and may be wondering if you will ever feel “normal” or be able to believe that life is good again. Yet her you are in the process of surviving that loss. You can do it—really. Take inspiration from people you know who have made their way through grief and loss. Read stories or watch films about people who have not only survived but grown stronger and more compassionate as a result of deciding to believe in the power of hope, goodness and love. Look to spiritual traditions that point to the power of life and love which transcends all death. Notice that winter always precedes spring. Pray from that place deep inside you that hasn’t forgotten the truth that life is ultimately good and worthy of your trust.

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

Cremation, Grief bill of rights, coping with grief, Cremation Services, grieving, loss

As she offered her condolences at my mother’s wake, my next-door neighbor said to me, “it will get better…and then it will get worse.” She knew what I was going through -her own mother had died a year earlier…but at that time, I thought it was a strange comment. A year later I realized it had been a very wise one.

WORKING YOUR WAY THROUGH

“The measure of your grief is the measure of your love,” it has been said. And it’s true—while we may sympathize deeply the passing of people whom we haven’t known and loved. Yet despite the natural connection between the depth of our love and the intensity of our grief, we can be caught off guard by the persistence of grief. A year or two passes perhaps many years go by-and yet we still feel our loss, at times keenly. Is there something wrong with us?, we may secretly wonder. Popular culture can lead us to believe that we should have “moved on” by now, “gotten over it,” and “gotten on with life.” But our grieving is part of our life, not something removed from it. And there is nothing wrong with allowing grief its time. Just as love takes time to grow, grief takes its time. Just as love takes time to grow, grief takes time to diminish. Whether you are grieving for a loved one who has died, or some other great loss or setback, your sorrow needs to be given time to fully express itself.

DON’T GET OVER IT; RATHER GO THROUGH IT

There’s no way over, under or around grief. Much as we might like to avoid the pain, or be tempted to block it out or numb it with drugs, alcohol, over-working, overeating or otherwise avoiding it, none of this helps us heal. However when we allow ourselves simply to feel what we are feeling and experience what we are experiencing without “fight or flight,” we will notice a gradual change. Slowly the activity of grieving will evolve and be transformed into something closer to remembering and cherishing with gratitude—a warm comforting glow instead of a hot burning fire. But first we must allow sorrow the time and attention it requires. The good news is that over time grief will lose some of its ability to completely overwhelm us even though it may still do so from time to time. In respecting our grief and allowing it to take its course, we also allow ourselves to begin to heal. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

HANG ON FOR THE RIDE

Grief expresses itself on many levels of our lives-emotional, physical, and spiritual. Each must play itself out of its own timeline. We are along for the ride, but are not helpless victims. Rather think of yourself as an attentive passenger on a long and at times uncomfortable journey you may not have signed up for but were booked on nonetheless. Be observant- there is much to learn along the way, about yourself and about life. For a time you will be on the emotional “high seas” and it’s a bumpy ride—one moment intense anger the next deep sorrow, the next terrifying fear. There is nothing you can do-or really need to do-but simply hang on and try to be observant. In its own time the sea will begin to calm, the waves to smooth out. The horizon ahead will even be smooth and clear from time to time.

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF—BODY AND SOUL

Pay attention to the way your grief expresses itself in your body through tension, restlessness, cramps, headaches. The best medicine is the oldest—good food, plenty of exercise, and lots of rest. In its own time your body will begin to adapt to the new reality you are living. In the meantime think of your body as your ally-giving you clear signals as to when you need to rest, when to move, when to eat. A good therapeutic massage can help you release some pent-up painful emotions. “Sorrow ends not when it seemeth done.” Remember that your spirit is grieving as well. Your trust in life and the goodness of god may have been shaken, perhaps even shattered by the circumstances surrounding your loved one’s death or another major life loss. The world may no longer seem a safe or good place. Mystics call it a “dark night of the soul.” You may well have to pass through some dark nights, but you do not have to pass through them alone, without the support of friends, family and faith community. Those who care about you cannot grieve for you, but they can light candles to help you find your way through the night, if you reach out to them. Whatever your own religious background, you can be confident that a loving god will stand by you in your loss. Try reaching out in prayer even if it needs to be angry prayer at times. Many have found great comfort in doing so.

GIVE YOUR GRIEF A WIDE BERTH

Grief comes in all sizes and shapes and just like physical objects our grief needs to consume a certain “space” in our lives. A former coworker of mine believed she was “too busy” to grieve so she plowed back into her demanding publishing job a week after her husband died. Two weeks later she was laid up in bed with pneumonia. Coincidence? Perhaps. But time and again those who grieve tell a similar story-how, when they tried to do an “end run” around their grief by staying extra busy, their body found a way to force them to stop running away. This is not to say you need to lie in bed for a week in order to grieve properly. Staying active is important and necessary. Perhaps the best advice of all is to avoid the extremes-either throwing yourself so completely into your work or family duties to effectively bury your grief, or pulling the covers over your head in utter resignation and giving up on life for good. As long as your strive for a balance and are patient with yourself your grief will find its proper time and space in your life.

MARK YOUR GRIEF

Cultures around the world and throughout history have found ways to memorialize grief by honoring their dead. From ancient Rome’s Parentalia, which honored departed ancestors, to the day of the dead, the modern Mexican tradition, to the Catholic Church’s all souls day, human beings have always intuitively understood the need for a time and place for a shared ritual of grieving and honoring our dearly departed. Unfortunately hard charging modern life leaves less and less time and space for these collective memorials. This does not mean you can’t continue to honor your loved one and recognize your own grief. You simply may need to be creative. Make an annual donation to your loved one’s favorite cause. Give a gift each holiday season in his name to someone in need. Create a garden memorial stocked with her favorite plants and flowers in your backyard. Create your own family “day of the dead,” on which you collectively visit the Gravesites of your ancestors with fresh flowers and other remembrances. Schedule some quiet time alone on important anniversaries and holidays. However you choose to ritually mark your grief it will allow for a softening of the repeated reminders of your loss, because now you will have a time and place where you can preserve them.

REDEFINE YOUR LIFE

While giving grief its due, remember that it does not have to become the defining quality of the rest of your life. Your life will always be a part of you, but it does not have to be all of you. It is okay to live, learn and love again. You can incorporate (literally, “take into your body”) your loss and use it to forge a new identity that helps you continue growing. Your faith tradition can be of assistance in this task by providing a context to help give meaning to loss, and the hope of an eternal connection of loved ones and the effort to learn new skills or meet new people can also help you move ahead- when the time is right. You’ll know when.

TAKE HEART

There’s no sense in sugarcoating it-grief is a painful process and it’s natural to wish it would pass sooner than it does. But by hanging in there for the long haul we gain lessons that would not have been possible if we had short circuited the process. One lesson gained is the incredible resilience of the human spirit even in the face of great hardship and loss. Another lesson learned is that when we give sorrow its due, sorrow returns the favor by giving us a precious gift-the assurance that we have indeed loved deeply in this lifetime—and that is, without a doubt one of life’s greatest achievements.

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

Cremation, Grief, healing coping with grief, Cremation Options, healing

Shakespeare said it best. We need to be true to ourselves and know ourselves. Easy to say but it is so hard to achieve!

How can we help others when we do not know ourselves? Death is an interesting subject in our Western society. Socially we are trained not to think about death, talk about death and therefore we have very few skills to cope with death when it does arrive in our lives. Working in the funeral industry we have a bit more of a comfort level around people who are dying or who have passed away than perhaps those in the general population. However that does not mean we have dealt with our own concepts or fears of death. Usually when we are confronted with a death in our own personal lives we still have to face the same social handicaps other non-funeral industry professionals do.

One of the most important things funeral directors can do to relate to a grieving family is to come to grips with their own mortality and concept of death. Why should we come to grips with our own mortality? What might the payoff for our business be? Grieving people tend to know when people are patronizing them or are just “going through the motions.” Many people have written and stated that their funeral home and cremation experience was a disaster because the funeral director just could not relate to what they wanted or what they were experiencing. Others have noted that their funeral director seemed uncomfortable with their loss. This is particularly true with the loss of a child. We communicate to people in many ways, and not just through words. Body language, hand usage while talking, the way we say the words and eye contact are all conveyed while we are interacting with a family.

If you are uncomfortable with a topic, the family will know. If you
cannot communicate with them on their level they will know. They might not tell you buy they will know and next time they may go to your competitor down the street who might relate to them better. Communication with our families can be done on many levels and if you stay “in your head” without due introspection emotionally, people know and tend to withdraw. Introspection is something many of us tend to shy away from in our day-to-day lives. It takes work, time and energy, which are things we do not have in copious quantities. However there is great value in making time to muse over the larger questions of dying and coming to terms with our own concept of mortality.

CONCEPT ONE: LIFE IS PREDICTABLE

Many people often feel that life is very predictable and under their control. Death teaches us that is not true. All that was
thought would continue forever has abruptly stopped with death. All that we thought was structured and defined no longer has meaning. We can no longer answer the question with certainty, “what will happen today?” Death reveals how
mistaken we are in believing in “happily ever after.” When death hits us closely, the loss is difficult to accept. It seems we will weep forever, and that we might never assimilate the loss of our dear one into our previously predictable life. There might be a feeling of denial and/or disbelief. Gradually however we are able to understand and integrate the loss with our feelings of permanence. Death may give us the chance to discover that we cannot always foresee or control events in our lives. It gives us a chance to redefine our belief systems. We may even be forced to look at our own mortality, as well as life beyond or life without the one who died. This can be a lengthy process. We may have to rework and struggle with our old expectations and our patterns of behavior and interaction. Our hopes may change. We may mourn and in that
process learn to know others and ourselves in an entirely new way. Yet the very construction of a new belief system that
includes loss, death and change shows us that there is no permanence to life. Thus death can be a positive thing. Our
lives can become enriched.

People often acknowledge the following benefits of death:
• There is a greater ability to appreciate life
• There is a shift of attention away from trivial or small matters in daily life
• There is a greater focus on what truly matters to each person
• Life itself is not taken for granted
• Each day is precious and enjoyed
• There is less future planning
• More time is spent with loved ones
• Since there is less certainty of the future, time is spent in the here and now
• New things are appreciated and sought out
• Seeing and listening become more active and in the present

CONCEPT TWO: DEATH HAS MEANING

While the above benefits seem to occur after a death there are some strategies for coping with loss that include the
concept that there is meaning in the experience. Those who have a strong religious belief often rely on their faith to get
them through the loss and ensuing difficult times. Faith seems to give solace as well as a helpful explanation of why the
death occurred. Often religiously oriented mourners already have a scheme of life and death that will work for them to
help them get through feelings of hopelessness regarding their loss. They do not need to construct a new belief system.
Their faith often includes a belief in an afterlife as well as the thought that their loved one is in a “better place” or
“heaven.” For other people the belief in an afterlife encompasses the idea that the deceased person lives on in the memories of those who are still living. Some people view the mind and spirit as being identical. Thus mental and spiritual
growth is often lumped together to mean one and the same thing. This may not be valid for you. You may find meaning
in the understanding that you have grown mentally, emotionally or spiritually from your loss. All forms of growth or any
kind of growth at all can give meaning to the loss you have experienced. When we search for meaning in our experience
of loss we dig deep into our hearts and look at what we are learning and how we have grown or can grow in the future
because of the event of death. We may glimpse why we have been separated physically from our loved one. We may find
that we can do things that are meaningful because we are forced to. Thus the death of your loved one becomes a catalyst
for change.

POSSIBLE CONCEPTS FOR MEANING IN GRIEF AND LOSS

We get an opportunity to make behavioral choices that allow us to be active participants in the grieving process and acceptance of cremation services.

1. We can control our responses to our loss and direct our thoughts.
2. We face the reality of death, and the concept that time as we know it does not go on forever.
3. We can learn to stay connected to the one who had died.
4. We learn that those who have died continue to influence the living.
5. Our sense of spirituality can develop if we choose to let it.
6. Predictability and control concepts can be revised to include loss.
7. We can open our mind to new concepts, read new literature, talk to new people. If we have survived the death
of a loved one (a new experience) then we can survive and indeed grow from other new experiences.
8. In time you will develop your own personal meaning for your loss

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

Cremation, Grief, Religion beliefs, cremation ideas, death, Grief, values

Whenever I hear of a parent who loses a child I am immediately taken back to June 1999 when we lost our 6 year old son Daniel.

Because of our own bereavement our reactions to the deaths of children inevitably include a deep sympathy for surviving parents. We think for instance about what the parents will be facing in the weeks, months and years to come. It is possible for us to look at the parents who have recently lost a child and to detect in their numbed responses some of the unwillingness to accept the facts that accompanies the survivors in the early days after such a tragedy. We think to ourselves, “they have no idea what their lives are probably going to become in the next few years.” Whether you are grieving the death of a child, spouse, parent or other loved one a simple truth applies sometimes grief lasts a lifetime.

The death of a loved one becomes a crucial event in any person’s life, which is no surprise. Grief can be grueling. And for many grieving people it becomes not only the crucial before‐and‐after moment of adulthood but it usually has a lifetime effect. And yet there is hope in even the most difficult of experiences.

WORK THROUGH THE MULTIPLE MYTHS ABOUT THE ORDEAL

They say for instance that time heals all wounds. But about two years after my son Daniel’s death I ws not feeling better but markedly worse‐I was actually getting so discouraged and often so physically and emotionally anesthetized that I began to do research into the clinical findings about parental grief and its effects on surviving parents. The findings of clinical psychologists helped me to understand several things. First my reactions were normal and predictable. I was not losing my mind but experiencing what the vast majority of bereaved parents experience. The feelings of numbness, shortness of breath and incoherence in my thought patterns are very common. Looking around and expecting Daniel to run in at my moment is not a sign of mental illness. Seriously questioning the nature of god is not unusual for people of faith. My emotional and physiological responses were quite predictable.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO “LET GO OF THE DEAD LOVED ONE AND GO ON WITH YOUR OWN LIFE”

This sort of advice has its roots in earlier theories of grief that considered extended or long lasting grief to be “pathological.” One school of thought made the distinction between mourning which is the normal reaction to the loss of a loved one and melancholia which his essentially a form of mental illness. According to this way of thinking, grieving people need to break free from the deceased, let go of the past, and reassert themselves by forging ahead and charting a new course in life. But Daniel’s death left very intense and never ending changes in both my wife and in me. We still think about Daniel every day, miss him a lot, and refuse to “let go” of him. Clinical workers are now discovering that this reaction is not only predictable but probably healthier for the bereaved. In reality lifelong grief is normal in cases of the loss of close family members. Today more and more psychologists are recognizing the importance of continuing bonds with the dead. In my own case I still feel a deep connection with my son and I have no intention of ever trying to break that bond. Neither does my wife.

BEREAVEMENT BRINGS ABOUT A CRISIS OF MEANING

Losing a loved one challenges one’s view of the world, leading frequently to a kind of despair and hopelessness. For us our child evoked a connection with the past, an investment in the future, and an extension of self. Children are concrete expressions of hope in the future and when a child dies much of a person’s hope dies was well. The same is true for other close personal losses, whether of your spouse, your parent, a sibling or long‐term dear friend. Because Daniel was our only child my wife and I felt lost and forlorn‐and still do in some respects‐in not having a legacy for the future. Our loss challenged our previous assumptions about the purpose and meaning of life. Because Daniel was such an important part of the meaning of our lives what was left for the future? Related to this ongoing sense of hopelessness is the fact that some studies show that grief actually gets worse with time. It was pretty depressing to realize that I might not have bottomed out yet. Often the most difficult moments of grief occur long after the actual death. In my case I think it has been the chronic suffering of my wife that has been the hardest for both of us‐and we are still dealing with its aftermath. And chronic suffering has probably inspired more crises of doubt and meaning than almost anything else in human history.

YOU CAN STILL BELIEVE

One of the oddities of the research on people who grieve is the differences in spiritual reactions that survivors can experience. Some turn completely and permanently away from their faith community, god and religious belief of any sort. Others turn even more strongly toward God and find their religious faith rejuvenated and strengthened. And then there are some who experience a little bit of both. Their responses are quite torn, it seems‐they seemingly must deal with both increasing doubts about god as well as increasing faith, however strange that might sound. Personally one of the greatest consolations in my own experience has been the realization that I actually do believe in god. I have been reminded over and over of the powerful ending to the sermon on the mount in Matthew 7, where Jesus describes a storm hitting two different kinds of houses, one built on sand, the other on solid rock. Over these eight years, I have been thankful so many times to realize that there was a little bit of rock underneath my life. At times I have even wondered why my wife Hiroko and I have continued to believe. I often ask why we were fortunate enough to have something real underneath our feet while others discover when challenged by similar disasters that their beliefs were no more real to them than fairy tales. Here the certainty dies away because I do not really have an answer.

YOU CAN KEEP THE BOND WITH YOUR LOVED ONE

As study after study indicates survivors hold the dead in loving memory for long periods often forever. I imagine that Hiroko and I will go to our own graves holding Daniel in our memories and remembering him almost as if he were still with us‐partly because on some level we believe he really is. Even more importantly I have embraced a new way of thinking about my loss. It boils down to the fact that we need never simply “let go and move on.” In fact through much contact with grieving parents I have noted that surviving parents describe how the dead child will continue to live on in their hearts and thus act as a motivation for giving back to society by survivors. The focus on a continuing bond with the dead reveals a belief in the possibility of human redemption in the face of tragedy is documented repeatedly in the stories that grievers tell about the memory of their loved ones. Much evidence for example shows how survivors many times become more compassionate and merciful after a loss. Often memories of the dead have spurred grievers on to good works that benefit humanity done as a legacy to the one they lost. In other words survivors do recognize that the bonds with the dead continue even after death. They know that the legacy of their loved one does not need to dwindle away into oblivion. Though some people might like to dismiss these sorts of sentiments as wishful thinking or worse they actually emerge from deeply held beliefs about the power of suffering, the motivational memory of the beloved and ultimately of a potential reunion.

TAKE HEART

I certainly do not wish to underestimate the experience of losing a loved one. Losing our son Daniel was a thunderclap of a blow. And the trauma of this grief is terrible and long‐lasting to be sure. Only these many years later my wife and I finally are managing to breathe more deeply and we have managed to continue our journey. Nevertheless the presence of Daniel is always there to keep me going, as sentimental as that might sound. I am also comforted that somehow miraculously we still remember god the one who holds all things together (Hebrews 1:3). And I am thankful that for me something real ‐‐‐god‐was underneath it all. Finally we do hold out hope for a reunion with our son. Until then and hopefully for long after our bond with Daniel will continue.

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

Children, Cremation, Grief, Religion, healing coping, Cremation, death of child, dying, faith

There is no “magic pill” that can immediately heal a grieving heart or spiri following the death of a friend or family member. But there are coping skills ‐tools‐that you use to help you heal and be able to enjoy life again.

YOUR ANGER MAY SURPRISE YOU

You may notice an increase in irritability and impatience, snapping at others with the least provocation. One day when thinking of your loved one you may feel extreme anger at that person for leaving you instead of sadness. Anger is a human emotion. Try to let it go without harming yourself or others but do not blame yourself for feeling it.

FIND WAYS TO FILL THE VOID

When someone or something that played a major role in your daily life is gone there tends to be a huge void that can magnify grief. Part of the process of grieving is to begin to reweave the social fabric of your life. You may have spent hours every day with your beloved: how do you fill that time now? Recognize that bit by bit you will have to shift the emotion and energy once dedicated to this relationship to other people or activities.

AVOID DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

It’s only natural to want to numb the pain of losing your loved one. But in addition to physical problems, chronic use of drugs or alcohol “freezes” you emotions, preventing the process of grieving from unfolding. Alcohol is also a depressant. In small quantities it can take the edge off handling raw emotions, but in increased quantities it depresses the central nervous system. If you are already coping with a mental health problem such as depression excess alcohol use can make you feel more depressed and can interfere with the efficacy of depression medication.

USE GRIEF AS A MEANS TO GROW

As personal as your grief is no one escapes losing their loved ones. We all have to confront death and loss. Remembering that death is a natural part of life can be a springboard for spiritual growth. Grief is a powerful emotion but you do have a choice in how you manage it.

CREATE YOUR OWN RITUAL

Human beings constantly seek meaning in life. Whether through writing music, or artwork, we strive to understand our experience on earth. Wakes and funerals are the way society publicly acknowledges the death of a loved one, but you can create your own special funeral memorial or ritual. Gather special reminders of your loved one. Take time to let your senses take in all the meaning the objects symbolize.

DON’T GO IT ALONE

Although being social may be the last thing on your mind, staying connected with those who care about you or those who share the same experience of loss may be extremely comforting. One grief support resource, Good Grief Groups, developed by Georgia Chaplain Cecil W. Fike is a popular highly respected group workshop offered through the pastoral care office of some faith communities, health institutions, and funeral homes. Drawing from the work of grief experts, Granger Westberg and J William Worden this eight session workbook based group focuses on fostering an atmosphere of listening and sharing to facilitate the process of healing.

SPECIAL DAYS ARE DIFFICULT DAYS

If a special day like a holiday, anniversary, or birthday is approaching that you suspect may be difficult‐filled with memories of your beloved‐don’t wait; reach out to friends, loved ones, and your community for support. You may be surprised at how many people want to offer you comfort.

TAKE HEART

Grief is a “death and resurrection” experience. For Christmas Jesus had to go through the death of Good Friday to enter the new life of Easter. Even if you practice another faith tradition, trying to reframe your own loss and pain as a process of death and new life can give you hope that you will break through to the other side of sadness to experience joy again. Do your best to take care of the “essentials” and trust God to do the rest.

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

Cremation, Grief, Religion, healing coping, death, Grief, grieving, healing