CREMATION OPTIONS

Often our world comes to an end when we realize that our loved one has departed. The more we long for comfort, the harder it is to find. In this situation, Cremation jewelry offers the comfort that cannot be found anywhere else. A memoir or a keepsake is often the best way to have a concrete remembrance of the departed soul. Whenever the bereaved feel or extreme loneliness surpasses your emotions, you can hold the memoir close to your heart. You can feel the eternal presence of your loved ones.

Though it is not possible to breathe new life into some one who has passed away, carrying a piece of that person with you everyday brings the much needed solace. Urn jewelry hung close to one’s heart eases a lot of pain and brings some peace to a grief-stricken person. Besides, it is also helpful in finding the path to closure for moving ahead after a loss. Wearing the jewelry also allows you to treasure those precious moments that you once shared with a loved one. Cremation urn jewelry enables you to keep loved ones close to your heart both physically and spiritually.

Cremation urn jewelry following cremation services is a kind of keepsake jewelry that allows you to hold a small part of the remains of your loved one. Generally, a small compartment is filled with the ashes of some one who has departed. The ashes can be stored in a sealed compartment of the jewelry. It is a physical reminder that can be carried as a beautiful commemorative piece.

Cremation urn jewelry offers you an alternative to honor the life of your deceased loved ones. Moreover, you can keep the jewelry close to you or display the remains in an attractive container. This new jewelry has been increasingly popular among those who have experienced a loss. It comes in different varieties from pendants, bracelets, rings and pins. They are as stylish as any other jewelry pendant. However, the most popular and meaningful design is an urn pendant.

In contrast to the regular cremation urns, the jewelry can be kept private and concealed without anyone knowing what it is. Find a design that corresponds to the true nature of your loved ones. Gold and silver urn pendants are available in different themes, from personally significant or modern designs to sea creatures. Cremation urn jewelry is available in different materials such as brass, pewter, and various precious gems incorporated on them.

Cremation urn jewelry enables you to pay tribute to your loved ones. It is a constant reminder of his/her significance in your life.

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Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

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Cremation jewelry was designed as a miniature cremation urn with a hollow chamber to hold a bit of ashes from a loved one’s cremation. The original idea was to allow one or more family members to keep a physical part of their loved one close at heart, regardless of how the rest of the cremated remains would be disposed of or how many family members wanted to share the ashes. The ash pendant could then be worn as an urn pendant or displayed beneath a jeweler’s glass dome to create a personal memorial.

For any number of reasons, however, jewelry for ashes doesn’t appeal to some people. Some are opposed to cremation in general, while others just don’t like the idea of reserving cremated remains in the form of jewelry. Perhaps you belong to a church that prohibits the practice of cremation, or maybe your religion has strict rules about the disposition of ashes. Even so, cremation jewelry still affords an opportunity to honor your loved one in a unique and personal way.

Cremation jewelry isn’t just jewelry for ashes. The hollow chamber in every urn pendant can accommodate any small keepsake to remind you of your loved one. Following are some of the mementoes people choose to save in their cremation necklaces.

A Lock of Hair
A lock of a loved one’s hair is a special keepsake indeed. If you’re a parent, you may have kept a snip of hair from your child’s first haircut to remind you of the tiny baby you once held in your arms. And lovers throughout history have kept wisps of each other’s hair to help them feel close when they were apart. The hair of fallen soldiers was fashioned into the memorial jewelry that was popular during the Civil War. Place a lock of your loved one’s hair in your urn pendant for safekeeping.

Soil
The time-honored practice of “paying respects” to a deceased loved one with regular visits to his or her grave is less common today, as fewer and fewer family members are centrally located in the home town. Whether you live near your loved one’s burial place or far away, you can use your cremation jewelry to save a few grains of earth from the grave site.

Funeral Flowers
The outpouring of sympathy following the death of a loved one often includes floral gifts in a variety of colors, species, and arrangements. Flowers are a fragrant reminder of the nature of life - rich, beautiful, and fleeting. By drying some of the flowers after the funeral, you can preserve their colorful beauty. Once the flowers are dry, you can crumble a pinch of the petals into the chamber of your cremation keepsake pendant.

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Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

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As she offered her condolences at my mother’s wake, my next-door neighbor said to me, “it will get better…and then it will get worse.” She knew what I was going through -her own mother had died a year earlier…but at that time, I thought it was a strange comment. A year later I realized it had been a very wise one.

WORKING YOUR WAY THROUGH

“The measure of your grief is the measure of your love,” it has been said. And it’s true—while we may sympathize deeply the passing of people whom we haven’t known and loved. Yet despite the natural connection between the depth of our love and the intensity of our grief, we can be caught off guard by the persistence of grief. A year or two passes perhaps many years go by-and yet we still feel our loss, at times keenly. Is there something wrong with us?, we may secretly wonder. Popular culture can lead us to believe that we should have “moved on” by now, “gotten over it,” and “gotten on with life.” But our grieving is part of our life, not something removed from it. And there is nothing wrong with allowing grief its time. Just as love takes time to grow, grief takes its time. Just as love takes time to grow, grief takes time to diminish. Whether you are grieving for a loved one who has died, or some other great loss or setback, your sorrow needs to be given time to fully express itself.

DON’T GET OVER IT; RATHER GO THROUGH IT

There’s no way over, under or around grief. Much as we might like to avoid the pain, or be tempted to block it out or numb it with drugs, alcohol, over-working, overeating or otherwise avoiding it, none of this helps us heal. However when we allow ourselves simply to feel what we are feeling and experience what we are experiencing without “fight or flight,” we will notice a gradual change. Slowly the activity of grieving will evolve and be transformed into something closer to remembering and cherishing with gratitude—a warm comforting glow instead of a hot burning fire. But first we must allow sorrow the time and attention it requires. The good news is that over time grief will lose some of its ability to completely overwhelm us even though it may still do so from time to time. In respecting our grief and allowing it to take its course, we also allow ourselves to begin to heal. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

HANG ON FOR THE RIDE

Grief expresses itself on many levels of our lives-emotional, physical, and spiritual. Each must play itself out of its own timeline. We are along for the ride, but are not helpless victims. Rather think of yourself as an attentive passenger on a long and at times uncomfortable journey you may not have signed up for but were booked on nonetheless. Be observant- there is much to learn along the way, about yourself and about life. For a time you will be on the emotional “high seas” and it’s a bumpy ride—one moment intense anger the next deep sorrow, the next terrifying fear. There is nothing you can do-or really need to do-but simply hang on and try to be observant. In its own time the sea will begin to calm, the waves to smooth out. The horizon ahead will even be smooth and clear from time to time.

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF—BODY AND SOUL

Pay attention to the way your grief expresses itself in your body through tension, restlessness, cramps, headaches. The best medicine is the oldest—good food, plenty of exercise, and lots of rest. In its own time your body will begin to adapt to the new reality you are living. In the meantime think of your body as your ally-giving you clear signals as to when you need to rest, when to move, when to eat. A good therapeutic massage can help you release some pent-up painful emotions. “Sorrow ends not when it seemeth done.” Remember that your spirit is grieving as well. Your trust in life and the goodness of god may have been shaken, perhaps even shattered by the circumstances surrounding your loved one’s death or another major life loss. The world may no longer seem a safe or good place. Mystics call it a “dark night of the soul.” You may well have to pass through some dark nights, but you do not have to pass through them alone, without the support of friends, family and faith community. Those who care about you cannot grieve for you, but they can light candles to help you find your way through the night, if you reach out to them. Whatever your own religious background, you can be confident that a loving god will stand by you in your loss. Try reaching out in prayer even if it needs to be angry prayer at times. Many have found great comfort in doing so.

GIVE YOUR GRIEF A WIDE BERTH

Grief comes in all sizes and shapes and just like physical objects our grief needs to consume a certain “space” in our lives. A former coworker of mine believed she was “too busy” to grieve so she plowed back into her demanding publishing job a week after her husband died. Two weeks later she was laid up in bed with pneumonia. Coincidence? Perhaps. But time and again those who grieve tell a similar story-how, when they tried to do an “end run” around their grief by staying extra busy, their body found a way to force them to stop running away. This is not to say you need to lie in bed for a week in order to grieve properly. Staying active is important and necessary. Perhaps the best advice of all is to avoid the extremes-either throwing yourself so completely into your work or family duties to effectively bury your grief, or pulling the covers over your head in utter resignation and giving up on life for good. As long as your strive for a balance and are patient with yourself your grief will find its proper time and space in your life.

MARK YOUR GRIEF

Cultures around the world and throughout history have found ways to memorialize grief by honoring their dead. From ancient Rome’s Parentalia, which honored departed ancestors, to the day of the dead, the modern Mexican tradition, to the Catholic Church’s all souls day, human beings have always intuitively understood the need for a time and place for a shared ritual of grieving and honoring our dearly departed. Unfortunately hard charging modern life leaves less and less time and space for these collective memorials. This does not mean you can’t continue to honor your loved one and recognize your own grief. You simply may need to be creative. Make an annual donation to your loved one’s favorite cause. Give a gift each holiday season in his name to someone in need. Create a garden memorial stocked with her favorite plants and flowers in your backyard. Create your own family “day of the dead,” on which you collectively visit the Gravesites of your ancestors with fresh flowers and other remembrances. Schedule some quiet time alone on important anniversaries and holidays. However you choose to ritually mark your grief it will allow for a softening of the repeated reminders of your loss, because now you will have a time and place where you can preserve them.

REDEFINE YOUR LIFE

While giving grief its due, remember that it does not have to become the defining quality of the rest of your life. Your life will always be a part of you, but it does not have to be all of you. It is okay to live, learn and love again. You can incorporate (literally, “take into your body”) your loss and use it to forge a new identity that helps you continue growing. Your faith tradition can be of assistance in this task by providing a context to help give meaning to loss, and the hope of an eternal connection of loved ones and the effort to learn new skills or meet new people can also help you move ahead- when the time is right. You’ll know when.

TAKE HEART

There’s no sense in sugarcoating it-grief is a painful process and it’s natural to wish it would pass sooner than it does. But by hanging in there for the long haul we gain lessons that would not have been possible if we had short circuited the process. One lesson gained is the incredible resilience of the human spirit even in the face of great hardship and loss. Another lesson learned is that when we give sorrow its due, sorrow returns the favor by giving us a precious gift-the assurance that we have indeed loved deeply in this lifetime—and that is, without a doubt one of life’s greatest achievements.

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

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Whenever I hear of a parent who loses a child I am immediately taken back to June 1999 when we lost our 6 year old son Daniel.

Because of our own bereavement our reactions to the deaths of children inevitably include a deep sympathy for surviving parents. We think for instance about what the parents will be facing in the weeks, months and years to come. It is possible for us to look at the parents who have recently lost a child and to detect in their numbed responses some of the unwillingness to accept the facts that accompanies the survivors in the early days after such a tragedy. We think to ourselves, “they have no idea what their lives are probably going to become in the next few years.” Whether you are grieving the death of a child, spouse, parent or other loved one a simple truth applies sometimes grief lasts a lifetime.

The death of a loved one becomes a crucial event in any person’s life, which is no surprise. Grief can be grueling. And for many grieving people it becomes not only the crucial before‐and‐after moment of adulthood but it usually has a lifetime effect. And yet there is hope in even the most difficult of experiences.

WORK THROUGH THE MULTIPLE MYTHS ABOUT THE ORDEAL

They say for instance that time heals all wounds. But about two years after my son Daniel’s death I ws not feeling better but markedly worse‐I was actually getting so discouraged and often so physically and emotionally anesthetized that I began to do research into the clinical findings about parental grief and its effects on surviving parents. The findings of clinical psychologists helped me to understand several things. First my reactions were normal and predictable. I was not losing my mind but experiencing what the vast majority of bereaved parents experience. The feelings of numbness, shortness of breath and incoherence in my thought patterns are very common. Looking around and expecting Daniel to run in at my moment is not a sign of mental illness. Seriously questioning the nature of god is not unusual for people of faith. My emotional and physiological responses were quite predictable.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO “LET GO OF THE DEAD LOVED ONE AND GO ON WITH YOUR OWN LIFE”

This sort of advice has its roots in earlier theories of grief that considered extended or long lasting grief to be “pathological.” One school of thought made the distinction between mourning which is the normal reaction to the loss of a loved one and melancholia which his essentially a form of mental illness. According to this way of thinking, grieving people need to break free from the deceased, let go of the past, and reassert themselves by forging ahead and charting a new course in life. But Daniel’s death left very intense and never ending changes in both my wife and in me. We still think about Daniel every day, miss him a lot, and refuse to “let go” of him. Clinical workers are now discovering that this reaction is not only predictable but probably healthier for the bereaved. In reality lifelong grief is normal in cases of the loss of close family members. Today more and more psychologists are recognizing the importance of continuing bonds with the dead. In my own case I still feel a deep connection with my son and I have no intention of ever trying to break that bond. Neither does my wife.

BEREAVEMENT BRINGS ABOUT A CRISIS OF MEANING

Losing a loved one challenges one’s view of the world, leading frequently to a kind of despair and hopelessness. For us our child evoked a connection with the past, an investment in the future, and an extension of self. Children are concrete expressions of hope in the future and when a child dies much of a person’s hope dies was well. The same is true for other close personal losses, whether of your spouse, your parent, a sibling or long‐term dear friend. Because Daniel was our only child my wife and I felt lost and forlorn‐and still do in some respects‐in not having a legacy for the future. Our loss challenged our previous assumptions about the purpose and meaning of life. Because Daniel was such an important part of the meaning of our lives what was left for the future? Related to this ongoing sense of hopelessness is the fact that some studies show that grief actually gets worse with time. It was pretty depressing to realize that I might not have bottomed out yet. Often the most difficult moments of grief occur long after the actual death. In my case I think it has been the chronic suffering of my wife that has been the hardest for both of us‐and we are still dealing with its aftermath. And chronic suffering has probably inspired more crises of doubt and meaning than almost anything else in human history.

YOU CAN STILL BELIEVE

One of the oddities of the research on people who grieve is the differences in spiritual reactions that survivors can experience. Some turn completely and permanently away from their faith community, god and religious belief of any sort. Others turn even more strongly toward God and find their religious faith rejuvenated and strengthened. And then there are some who experience a little bit of both. Their responses are quite torn, it seems‐they seemingly must deal with both increasing doubts about god as well as increasing faith, however strange that might sound. Personally one of the greatest consolations in my own experience has been the realization that I actually do believe in god. I have been reminded over and over of the powerful ending to the sermon on the mount in Matthew 7, where Jesus describes a storm hitting two different kinds of houses, one built on sand, the other on solid rock. Over these eight years, I have been thankful so many times to realize that there was a little bit of rock underneath my life. At times I have even wondered why my wife Hiroko and I have continued to believe. I often ask why we were fortunate enough to have something real underneath our feet while others discover when challenged by similar disasters that their beliefs were no more real to them than fairy tales. Here the certainty dies away because I do not really have an answer.

YOU CAN KEEP THE BOND WITH YOUR LOVED ONE

As study after study indicates survivors hold the dead in loving memory for long periods often forever. I imagine that Hiroko and I will go to our own graves holding Daniel in our memories and remembering him almost as if he were still with us‐partly because on some level we believe he really is. Even more importantly I have embraced a new way of thinking about my loss. It boils down to the fact that we need never simply “let go and move on.” In fact through much contact with grieving parents I have noted that surviving parents describe how the dead child will continue to live on in their hearts and thus act as a motivation for giving back to society by survivors. The focus on a continuing bond with the dead reveals a belief in the possibility of human redemption in the face of tragedy is documented repeatedly in the stories that grievers tell about the memory of their loved ones. Much evidence for example shows how survivors many times become more compassionate and merciful after a loss. Often memories of the dead have spurred grievers on to good works that benefit humanity done as a legacy to the one they lost. In other words survivors do recognize that the bonds with the dead continue even after death. They know that the legacy of their loved one does not need to dwindle away into oblivion. Though some people might like to dismiss these sorts of sentiments as wishful thinking or worse they actually emerge from deeply held beliefs about the power of suffering, the motivational memory of the beloved and ultimately of a potential reunion.

TAKE HEART

I certainly do not wish to underestimate the experience of losing a loved one. Losing our son Daniel was a thunderclap of a blow. And the trauma of this grief is terrible and long‐lasting to be sure. Only these many years later my wife and I finally are managing to breathe more deeply and we have managed to continue our journey. Nevertheless the presence of Daniel is always there to keep me going, as sentimental as that might sound. I am also comforted that somehow miraculously we still remember god the one who holds all things together (Hebrews 1:3). And I am thankful that for me something real ‐‐‐god‐was underneath it all. Finally we do hold out hope for a reunion with our son. Until then and hopefully for long after our bond with Daniel will continue.

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

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There is no “magic pill” that can immediately heal a grieving heart or spiri following the death of a friend or family member. But there are coping skills ‐tools‐that you use to help you heal and be able to enjoy life again.

YOUR ANGER MAY SURPRISE YOU

You may notice an increase in irritability and impatience, snapping at others with the least provocation. One day when thinking of your loved one you may feel extreme anger at that person for leaving you instead of sadness. Anger is a human emotion. Try to let it go without harming yourself or others but do not blame yourself for feeling it.

FIND WAYS TO FILL THE VOID

When someone or something that played a major role in your daily life is gone there tends to be a huge void that can magnify grief. Part of the process of grieving is to begin to reweave the social fabric of your life. You may have spent hours every day with your beloved: how do you fill that time now? Recognize that bit by bit you will have to shift the emotion and energy once dedicated to this relationship to other people or activities.

AVOID DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

It’s only natural to want to numb the pain of losing your loved one. But in addition to physical problems, chronic use of drugs or alcohol “freezes” you emotions, preventing the process of grieving from unfolding. Alcohol is also a depressant. In small quantities it can take the edge off handling raw emotions, but in increased quantities it depresses the central nervous system. If you are already coping with a mental health problem such as depression excess alcohol use can make you feel more depressed and can interfere with the efficacy of depression medication.

USE GRIEF AS A MEANS TO GROW

As personal as your grief is no one escapes losing their loved ones. We all have to confront death and loss. Remembering that death is a natural part of life can be a springboard for spiritual growth. Grief is a powerful emotion but you do have a choice in how you manage it.

CREATE YOUR OWN RITUAL

Human beings constantly seek meaning in life. Whether through writing music, or artwork, we strive to understand our experience on earth. Wakes and funerals are the way society publicly acknowledges the death of a loved one, but you can create your own special funeral memorial or ritual. Gather special reminders of your loved one. Take time to let your senses take in all the meaning the objects symbolize.

DON’T GO IT ALONE

Although being social may be the last thing on your mind, staying connected with those who care about you or those who share the same experience of loss may be extremely comforting. One grief support resource, Good Grief Groups, developed by Georgia Chaplain Cecil W. Fike is a popular highly respected group workshop offered through the pastoral care office of some faith communities, health institutions, and funeral homes. Drawing from the work of grief experts, Granger Westberg and J William Worden this eight session workbook based group focuses on fostering an atmosphere of listening and sharing to facilitate the process of healing.

SPECIAL DAYS ARE DIFFICULT DAYS

If a special day like a holiday, anniversary, or birthday is approaching that you suspect may be difficult‐filled with memories of your beloved‐don’t wait; reach out to friends, loved ones, and your community for support. You may be surprised at how many people want to offer you comfort.

TAKE HEART

Grief is a “death and resurrection” experience. For Christmas Jesus had to go through the death of Good Friday to enter the new life of Easter. Even if you practice another faith tradition, trying to reframe your own loss and pain as a process of death and new life can give you hope that you will break through to the other side of sadness to experience joy again. Do your best to take care of the “essentials” and trust God to do the rest.

Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.

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