Pre-Planned Funeral Arrangements Relieve Family Stress
My father passed away just before Valentine’s Day this last year. Although he had been a hospice patient for some months, the end still came more quickly than we expected. The family was gathering for one final get together, but Dad’s passing turned our gathering into a final farewell.
It was fortunate that just two weeks earlier, Mom and I had talked to a funeral planner about pre-planning funeral decisions that would have to be made. Mom and Dad both had a few strong feelings about death and dying. Dad wanted to be cremated with his cremains interred in the family plot in his hometown some distance away. Mom wanted a church service with the casket present and a family ceremony at the gravesite. There were a few favorite prayers and hymns mentioned, but they just didn’t seem to want to talk about it much.
Our funeral planner was compassionate in presenting and discussing the myriad decisions to be made. She provided expert guidance, offering helpful suggestions about what other families had found comforting, including poem, prayer and hymn selections. She was respectful about our family finances and steered us toward well-considered options that would allow us to honor Dad without straining the family’s resources.
Two pieces of advice she offered were particularly valuable. Our funeral planner reminded us that while a funeral should honor the dead, it should also comfort the living. She encouraged us to include in the visitation and memorial service elements that would be meaningful to each member of our large family. She also suggested that we share memories of Dad through eulogies, photos, scrapbooks and prized possessions. After Dad’s passing, as we chatted with family and friends during the visitation, those photographs and mementos from Dad’s life provided great comfort, evoking wonderful memories of Dad during happier, more vigorous times.
I don’t know how we would have survived the week without the assistance of our always calm, always helpful funeral planner. Even before Dad died, Mom was only able to think about what was coming for brief periods. After Dad’s death, grief made it impossible for her to focus on decision making. With decisions made and a plan in place, our funeral planner was able to step in and take care of all the exhausting details that crowd the end of life, relieving our family of the stress and strain of decision-making. Our family was able to focus on remembering Dad and comforting each other.