CREMATION OPTIONS MAKES FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS IN ADVANCE
Recently after an uncle’s funeral, I strode along a ridge among the graves of my ancestors. Many of my great aunts and uncles, my grandparents and close friends of the family are buried in the same section of a cemetery in Chicago. Lately I’d been thinking that burial plots were a waste of good ground and that I didn’t really care what happened to me when I died-the less fuss the better. But as I walked among my people I felt something I’ve never felt so strongly before-my connection to them, and their connection to the future through me. I came to appreciate the rituals and traditions that surround the funerals in our family, and I began to think of how I might want my passing to be marked. I realized these “last rites” could matter greatly to me and they were worth my time and thought. Yet many of us are not quite sure how to proceed.
WORKING YOUR WAY THROUGH
Making funeral arrangements has a lot in common with preparing for a baptism, bar mitzvah, wedding, or significant anniversary. Like these other milestones, a person’s passing is a major event in the lives of loved ones. But because the details surrounding a death occur at a time of tremendous stress, it makes sense to make as many arrangements in advance as you can. The better you plan, the less likely the stress of the moment and the crush of details-not to mention the shock of your loss-will overwhelm you and the occasion will turn out as you hope. Many people would rather not think about death and funeral arrangements. But there are strong emotional, social and financial reasons to make funeral arrangements in advance. Here are a few suggestions.
EXPLORE ALL YOUR OPTIONS
Though every culture has its traditional set of funeral rituals, cremation rites and practices no two funerals are exactly alike. Nor should they be. Funeral rites ought to reflect the life and values o the individual who has died, and the survivors he or she has left behind. By acting in advance you can think through the available choices to find the options that are right for you. Will you choose interment, cremation, or entombment in a mausoleum? Are there special visitation arrangements that need to be accommodated? Will you have a religious service and if so who will officiate? If you act in advance you can have many of your questions answered. You can read and research, inquire with friends as well as funeral professionals, and challenge assumptions you may have. Many people carry around erroneous notions about what is and isn’t allowed at funerals. When making advance funeral arrangements-for yourself or a loved one for whom you’re responsible-you’ll be called upon to make many significant decisions, But you cannot exercise choice wisely if you don’t know what your options are. By acting in advance of need, you’re in the best position to examine questions in depth, give them significant thought, consult with others whose feelings you need to consider, and come to decisions with which you can be satisfied.
HAVE IT YOUR WAY
Would you like a certain song sung at the funeral, or a meaningful poem or scripture passage read? Will you want to be buried in the town where you now live, or buried near loved ones in your home town? How much do you want to spend on a casket? Do you want a longtime friend or family member to give a eulogy? The list goes on. Funerals are for the living and in memory of the deceased. Funerals are not for the edification of the preacher, the exclusive domain of the funeral director or to fulfill someone else’s idea of decorum and appropriateness. If you want a specific thing to happen at your funeral the only way to be sure it will happen is to make your wishes clear in advance best of all, in writing. Arrange it now. You can always change it later.
ENLIST THE HELP OF A PROFESSIONAL PARTNER
A good first step is to talk with a funeral director you trust. If you don’t have a family funeral director, spend some time selecting one who’s right for you. Funeral directors say the number one service they offer is active listening to help the bereaved make decisions that are appropriate for them. What you’re looking for is someone who will truly listen and respond to your needs and wishes. You might begin by making a list of three funeral directors and interviewing each by phone. After a follow-up visit with the one(s) you feel most comfortable with, choose the one who is the most open and instills the most confidence in you. Turn to someone who will listen first advise second. A good funeral director can handle a myriad of paperwork, mountains of official forms, and an array of details-all as you would have them handled. When a loved one dies, the survivors are bound to be very vulnerable. Emotions will run strong, and handling even the simplest details can be an enormous challenge. At such a time, a professional partner who can handle the arrangements according to your wishes will free up survivors to enter into the grieving process. A competent and caring funeral director can carry out your hopes and desires for the funeral ceremonies and do so with respect, dignity and within your means. There are a number of details you may want to review in advance with a funeral director: what’s on your grave marker, whether you want to indicate a charity as a recipient of memorial donations; who you’d like to have as pall bearers: whether to have a ceremony in a church, at the graveside, or in the home of a friend weeks after your death. You can even indicate what you would like mentioned in your obituary.
KEEP COSTS REASONABLE AND CLEAR
Society puts a cloak of silence around death, so many of us are uninformed about the arrangements that need to be made at the time of death. When making funeral arrangements, it’s essential that you leave no question unasked or unanswered. It’s important to find the right balance between providing the appropriate kind of sendoff and keeping costs within the limits you can afford. Set up a fact-finding appointment with your funeral director, cemetery director or other service provider. Ask to have a cost sheet sent in advance so you can prepare your questions. Funeral professionals provide a service and should be paid for that service. But those paying for that service should know in advance what services are being provided, what the full costs are, and what other options are available. Feel free to ask for additional options on caskets, embalming, and other services. Question charges you don’t understand. If after the explanation you remain uncertain, call another funeral
director or your state’s funeral directors’ association to verify that the charge is appropriate. Practically speaking attending to a loved one’s funeral arrangements in advance may find you in a better situation to handle the finances. This is especially true if the loved one may be heading to a nursing home where the cost of care may totally deplete family savings, leaving little or nothing with which to pay for the funeral.
SAVE YOUR SURVIVORS ADDED BURDENS
My father worked for Catholic cemeteries in Chicago for 42 years. He began his career in sales. He was responsible for setting up a pre- need sales program in the early 1950’s. Often when he would arrive at a home to discuss advance funeral arrangements, people would be reluctant to even think about the day such arrangements would be needed. Through the years however countless family members have come up to my father thanking him for the time and effort he took with their family years before. In their time of mourning details were already in place and decisions already made. They were grateful that when the hour had arrived they were found prepared.
TAKE HEART
Anyone who has suddenly been responsible for handling the details of a death where no pre- arrangements have been made knows the overwhelming number of decisions that are involved. At a time of loss, confusion reigns. We can feel pulled in many directions at once, especially if we’re uncertain what the deceased would have wanted. Making your funeral arrangements in advance is one last wonderful gift you can give the love ones who will be left behind. By freeing them from the burden of many details, you give them time to do the work of grieving and caring for one another. Meanwhile, the rites surrounding your funeral can be a statement of your values and the meaning you found in life and death.
Remember, Cremation Options is here to help you all day, every day with your funeral and cremation needs. We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To contact us, simply call 1-877-989-9090. At any time of day or night, you will be able to speak with one of our trained, sympathetic and understanding representatives.
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